Relationship advise?

[cfusionpm]

Most women up through their 20s take full advantage of "Friend Zone" and date people who are more "fun, exciting, dangerous" (insert something your parents hate). We "nice guys" just have to deal with that and either look for women not obsessed with this or wait it out until they mature out of this phase (though not all of them do).

Move on to someone else and completely forget about her. If SHE comes back to YOU, then you can see what happens, but as of now, that ship has sailed. The Friendzone is very real, and despite whatever BS women want to say to defend it, there are plenty of women who actively take advantage of nice guys. There are plenty of relationships that bloom from friendships too, but it's usually at the whim of the woman and whatever she happens to be feeling at the time. And usually only after a bad breakup of some jerk who treated her like crap and she matures and realizes maybe nice guys are good for long term stable relationships.

So maybe that time will come? But it's not coming right now. Find someone else, at least for the time being. Maybe you'll find someone even better, who knows. But if it happens with her, it will be on her terms and not yours.

[Dimman]

Originally Posted by cfusionpm

Most women up through their 20s take full advantage of "Friend Zone" and date people who are more "fun, exciting, dangerous" (insert something your parents hate). We "nice guys" just have to deal with that and either look for women not obsessed with this or wait it out until they mature out of this phase (though not all of them do).

Move on to someone else and completely forget about her. If SHE comes back to YOU, then you can see what happens, but as of now, that ship has sailed. The Friendzone is very real, and despite whatever BS women want to say to defend it, there are plenty of women who actively take advantage of nice guys. There are plenty of relationships that bloom from friendships too, but it's usually at the whim of the woman and whatever she happens to be feeling at the time. And usually only after a bad breakup of some jerk who treated her like crap and she matures and realizes maybe nice guys are good for long term stable relationships.

So maybe that time will come? But it's not coming right now. Find someone else, at least for the time being. Maybe you'll find someone even better, who knows. But if it happens with her, it will be on her terms and not yours.

The thing in that meme that is missing is the unspoken 'and also get me wet'.

What guys who believe in and promote 'the friendzone' excuse miss here is that women like to fuck, too.

If she's not attracted to you, no amount of nice is going to fix that.

Same thing if you are so hung up on being 'nice' that you refrain from any talk or behavior about sex around her, out of 'respect'. You are indicating to her that you are sexually boring. She will hang out with you, but go out and fuck some guy that excites her.

[Speed2th]

done that and seen that. you are too nice and she likes you as a friend. unfortunately you are not her type and you are just a friend who is helpful and for entertainment. sounds like she is older than you? i would say just move on or you will just getting depress and relationship with her will get more awkward. it will also take time for her to appreciate your quality and think about it.

[cfusionpm]

Originally Posted by Dimman

The thing in that meme that is missing is the unspoken 'and also get me wet'.

What guys who believe in and promote 'the friendzone' excuse miss here is that women like to fuck, too.

If she's not attracted to you, no amount of nice is going to fix that.

Same thing if you are so hung up on being 'nice' that you refrain from any talk or behavior about sex around her, out of 'respect'. You are indicating to her that you are sexually boring. She will hang out with you, but go out and fuck some guy that excites her.

Exactly. It's all about what they find attractive. And what a teenager or early 20s finds attractive is usually douchebag swag instead of kindness and responsibility. Luckily, I'm pushing 30 and have long since passed that, but all those stereotypes exist for a reason, because they happen more often than not.

[Dimman]

Originally Posted by cfusionpm

Exactly. It's all about what they find attractive. And what a teenager or early 20s finds attractive is usually douchebag swag instead of kindness and responsibility. Luckily, I'm pushing 30 and have long since passed that, but all those stereotypes exist for a reason, because they happen more often than not.

I wouldn't say that it's the 'douchebags' they find attractive. It's also that they recognize that 'niceness' is often a cover for sexual insecurity/inexperience.

It's at least a 50:50 split for the responsibility. She's going to be at least as equally unattracted to the insecure guy.

If one guy is obnoxious, but can fuck. And one guy is nice but can't fuck, who's she going to hang out with and who's she going to fuck? It's simple really. There isn't even a choice to make.

The problem is the 'nice' guys expect sex for being nice (as Morpheus has aptly pointed out) and blame the women rather than looking at themselves.

[IloveBaldEagles]

Originally Posted by pche

I dated a June and an April, both batshit crazy. Now I know to stay away from girls with month names.

I've met a hideous girl once back in the Middle-east whos name was Happiness.


THERE WAS NO HAPPINESS WHEN I LOOKED AT HER FACE

[litemup]

.

[sklimo]

Originally Posted by IloveBaldEagles

I've met a hideous girl once back in the Middle-east whos name was Happiness.


THERE WAS NO HAPPINESS WHEN I LOOKED AT HER FACE

You making vid of this

[AVodka14]

I have been rejected in the past even after hooking up with some of them. I was deeply convinced that I had to have a girlfriend when I was in my early 20s. I was not getting laid as much because girls could smell that shit on me. As I got to my mid 20s I was getting ready to start grad school and got my swag. Started going out with my friends to bars on the weekends and bring chicks back home. They noticed I didn't care about having a girlfriend because I was going to be knees deep in studying. Then all of sudden here they come. This is not to brag to you and make you feel worse. I am simply stating that you should not give a fuck about women at your presumably young age. Focus on your future career, enjoy your friends/family, and find a chick to fuck.

Being nice is not a bad trait at all. Just don't be overly nice. Respect the female counterpart yet don't let them walk on you. That's in essence what she has been doing to you. Don't let her flock back after another failed relationship. You can be more assertive and say something along the lines of 'maybe you should search within yourself' after another failed relationship. 'Seems to be a pattern' OR 'I have given you all the advice I can provide'. Be friends and cordial with her but nothing more. Don't let her sense that you are hurt but have her think you are thriving and moving on.

Dude, I am 30 years old and been through the roller coaster ride of my 20s. I tried so many different things that would work sometimes and sometimes would not. Then I finally realized that being myself would land some girls but didn't expect to win them all. Dated a girl for 2 years in grad school then we broke up. I met my fiancee on a blind date when I was 28. Guess what?...I was not looking for love.

There is so much in this world to experience. Being single allows you to do anything you can afford. Nobody is telling you 'no' and there is simply nobody to answer to. You are still developing a sense of who you are. So enjoy the ride of life. This girl seems like she makes poor choices and it's a compliment that she has not chose you. Otherwise you just like her deadbeat bfs.

Sincerely,

I guy that had his heart stomped on a few times. Recovered from each one and became stronger from each experience. Learning is the key to life. Don't make the same mistakes twice.

[Rocket.BRZ]

Wait So being too nice is a bad thing or is it that I was only nice and never tried to flirt or show any sexual desire?

[IloveBaldEagles]

Originally Posted by sklimo

You making vid of this

Oh man. I will try

[kalamitykode]

Originally Posted by Rocket.BRZ

Wait So being too nice is a bad thing or is it that I was only nice and never tried to flirt or show any sexual desire?

Don't listen to them. People say girls want the bad boys and nice guys finish last and all that, but honestly the only "bad" thing about it is when it comes off sort of blunt and desperate.

IMO, you would have been better off just asking her if she ever considered taking things a step further with you, or something simple like that. The whole letter just screams "I love you and I will be heart broken if you say no to me" and regardless of the past you've had with her that's a little off-putting.

[Fastbrew]

Start going out with someone else and ignore her. Everything you know about women is wrong. You will learn

[swpbrz]

Originally Posted by s2d4

I don't agree with this, sounds grossly immature.

You don't understand ops personality type. He needs to protect himself. Women don't realize they dump a lot of what should be intimate emotional stuff worked out in a real loving relationship.. on the sweet friend while they fuck the fun guy that doesn't really want to be bothered by that level of connection... theres too much fun to be had with the carefree guy.






OP I was in your position. It sucks life is the way it is. Women get better as you get older but right now this girl is using you in a way she doesn't even realize.


Its no ones fault but you should cut her off. Find a passion and use the feeling you felt for her as a metric for the potential perfection that can exist in this life.


You seem like a caring sensitive guy and a lot of young girls will step all over that.


Took me years to get over that first love. I see her now and she wishes we had tried. But at the time it didn't work. I would hear how it sucks she couldn't find someone like me to be with when a shit boyfriend would be shity.


In 15 years you'll likely have found someone worth caring about, and she will have been around the track so many times shell just settle with the one that knocked her up.


I definitely have women issues. So I'm probably overstating things. But 90 percent of young women are so invested in their own in the moment subjective experience they can't take the time to appreciate that guy who was always there. Or always respectful. really they just want a fun guy who they can fill in the blanks on for 6 months to a year. Then when they realize he's another douche and all those blanks have filled in with reality... they come to cry to you.


I got caught in the cycle and I'm still bitter. The way out is to have self respect and cut her off. She is using you and your feelings for her. she might not even realize it. But until your in another real healthy relationship I wouldn't speak to her.