Some winter driving myths

[Demandred7]

Saw this on Jalopnik and had a chuckle. Thought I would share.

http://jalopnik.com/ten-absurd-winte...die-1678498167

[Tcoat]

Best line of the whole thing is the last!
"It's not the wand it is the magician"

[SpeedFromSwede]

lol to the people with AWD and summer tires who think they're indestructible in the snow because they have AWD..

[extrashaky]

When I was a kid in Alabama, I lived on a hill. The hill went up, leveled off, then went up again. I lived in the leveled off part. At the bottom of the hill was a two lane highway. On the other side of that highway was a ten foot embankment that dropped off into a little corn field.

At the top of the hill was a house. It was bought by some people from Connecticut. We'll call them the Asshole family. Scott Asshole set the trees behind his house on fire once playing with something incendiary and nearly burned down the neighborhood, but that's a different story. Scott also somehow got shot through the leg while sitting in his bedroom and claimed it was a drive-by, but pretty much everyone (including the cops) figured he shot himself. Scott later became an actor, which means he's probably waiting tables somewhere today.

Anyway, this is not about Scott. It's about his dad, Mr. Asshole. Mr. Asshole had a big 4WD Blazer with big tires. He informed us that in the much better place from which he hailed, everyone had big 4WDs with big tires. You had to either have that or a Volvo to be able to get to work in the winter. (Mrs. Asshole drove the Volvo.)

Mr. Asshole also informed us that we Southerners were a bunch of redneck idiots because we closed everything down the one or two days every couple of years it snows. There was just no excuse for it. We were lazy and just didn't want to go to work or school.

Then it snowed. We got a good two inches, which you might not realize is Snowmageddon in Alabama.

Mr. Asshole had his chance to demonstrate the superiority of northern driving skill. All us kids were out on the hill with our sleds, because that opportunity only came around every couple of years. Mr. Asshole backed out of his driveway and blew his horn at us to signal his intention to show us all how stupid we were for not going to school.

We cleared the lane and watched as he rolled down the hill. Then he skidded down the hill. Then he slid across the flat part of the hill and down the next steep part. The attempt to turn onto the highway at the bottom didn't quite work. Instead, he just turned sideways and kept going, right across the highway, down the ten foot drop and right out into the corn field, which at that time was basically mud with two inches of snow on top of it. He tried to plow his way out of it, but the tread on his tires got caked up and just spun. He wasn't going anywhere.

Boy, he sure showed us.

In those days we didn't have cell phones, so he had to endure the march of shame back up the hill past all the grinning kids and parents of the neighborhood. We didn't see Mr. Asshole again during that storm, but Scott informed us all what idiots southern towtruck operators were, since none of them would come out in the snow and pull his dad's truck out of the field. And why the hell hadn't our street been plowed? We paid out taxes!

His truck stayed there for about three days, right next to the highway, a monument to the superior skill of northern drivers.

[Demandred7]

Originally Posted by extrashaky

When I was a kid in Alabama, I lived on a hill. The hill went up, leveled off, then went up again. I lived in the leveled off part. At the bottom of the hill was a two lane highway. On the other side of that highway was a ten foot embankment that dropped off into a little corn field.

At the top of the hill was a house. It was bought by some people from Connecticut. We'll call them the A$$hole family. Scott A$$hole set the trees behind his house on fire once playing with something incendiary and nearly burned down the neighborhood, but that's a different story. Scott also somehow got shot through the leg while sitting in his bedroom and claimed it was a drive-by, but pretty much everyone (including the cops) figured he shot himself. Scott later became an actor, which means he's probably waiting tables somewhere today.

Anyway, this is not about Scott. It's about his dad, Mr. A$$hole. Mr. A$$hole had a big 4WD Blazer with big tires. He informed us that in the much better place from which he hailed, everyone had big 4WDs with big tires. You had to either have that or a Volvo to be able to get to work in the winter. (Mrs. A$$hole drove the Volvo.)

Mr. A$$hole also informed us that we Southerners were a bunch of redneck idiots because we closed everything down the one or two days every couple of years it snows. There was just no excuse for it. We were lazy and just didn't want to go to work or school.

Then it snowed. We got a good two inches, which you might not realize is Snowmageddon in Alabama.

Mr. A$$hole had his chance to demonstrate the superiority of northern driving skill. All us kids were out on the hill with our sleds, because that opportunity only came around every couple of years. Mr. A$$hole backed out of his driveway and blew his horn at us to signal his intention to show us all how stupid we were for not going to school.

We cleared the lane and watched as he rolled down the hill. Then he skidded down the hill. Then he slid across the flat part of the hill and down the next steep part. The attempt to turn onto the highway at the bottom didn't quite work. Instead, he just turned sideways and kept going, right across the highway, down the ten foot drop and right out into the corn field, which at that time was basically mud with two inches of snow on top of it. He tried to plow his way out of it, but the tread on his tires got caked up and just spun. He wasn't going anywhere.

Boy, he sure showed us.

In those days we didn't have cell phones, so he had to endure the march of shame back up the hill past all the grinning kids and parents of the neighborhood. We didn't see Mr. A$$hole again during that storm, but Scott informed us all what idiots southern towtruck operators were, since none of them would come out in the snow and pull his dad's truck out of the field. And why the hell hadn't our street been plowed? We paid out taxes!

His truck stayed there for about three days, right next to the highway, a monument to the superior skill of northern drivers.

Scott's dad certainly seemed to tick quite a few boxes in what not to do. Not just fail, but, EPIC FAIL!

Sorry about the editing - work computer won't let me post profanity.

[Tcoat]

Originally Posted by extrashaky

His truck stayed there for about three days, right next to the highway, a monument to the superior skill of northern drivers.

"It's not the wand it is the magician"

[Demandred7]

Lol

[Scenic Driver]

Originally Posted by Tcoat

Best line of the whole thing is the last!
"It's not the wand it is the magician"

I was expecting a comment about number 8.

Oh and keep your wand to yourself :-).

[Tcoat]

Originally Posted by Scenic Driver

I was expecting a comment about number 8.

Oh and keep your wand to yourself :-).

Ya well "knowing" how to drive in the snow and "doing" it are two different matters entirely.
On the way from London to Windsor on the 401 ( a major highway) this morning and I counted 8 vehicles in the ditch. No black ice and only about 2 inches of snow which had all been cleared away probably almost as fast as it fell. I did thnk to myself "Really now, why?".
Now mind you, every one of them was an SUV or crossover so numbers 5 and 2 probably came into play as well.

And what I do with my wand is my business!

[extrashaky]

Originally Posted by Tcoat

Ya well "knowing" how to drive in the snow and "doing" it are two different matters entirely.

Here are people who allegedly know how to drive in the snow.

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgvOHnujspg"]RAW: Video captures Hwy 41/45 pileup - YouTube[/ame]

[BRZ21]

@extrashakey very well written!

[Scenic Driver]

Originally Posted by Tcoat

Now mind you, every one of them was an SUV or crossover so numbers 5 and 2 probably came into play as well.

The SUVs are always good for a laugh or two during a storm. Last month this big bright yellow hummer had to stop and let us all pass (in the unplowed lane) on a mountain road near my house because he couldn't manage to drive more than 5mph. The sad part was the 10 of us who were behind him had no issues passing and on the remainder of the road, I wanted to point and laugh as I drove by.

[chaoskaze]

^lol best video of the day. Once up on a time I thought I was really good at driving on snow with my Camry too... Lol

[paulca]

9.) You Don't Need To Scrape The Snow Off The Top Of Your Car

Guilty! Left my car at the airport a few years ago, came back to find at least 15" of snow covering the car. I cleared the window and set off down the motorway and all was good. First tail back I came to I braked and the world went white to the tone of jammed wipers trying to lift the slab of frozen snow off the window! I had to stick my head out the window to see and pull over!