Drop everything and:
Call 1-800-273-8255
OR text HOME to 741741
OR chat at
http://chat.suicidepreventionlifelin...elineChat.aspx
Suicidal thoughts are not uncommon, and you can get past them then live happily. Two of my best friends were suicidal and one point, and both are living good lives decades on. Don't listen to your 17-year-old self. Be wise. You can get feel better.
Also self-medicating with drugs and alcohol can make the feelings worse. There are other prescription drugs that can help.