I need your wedding/being married jokes
 

My wedding reception is this coming weekend. It is actually the second one for people who could not attend the wedding out of town, so there is less pressure on my thank you speech.

Hit me with your "being married" jokes!

The fantastically corny one I plan to include so far:

My wife told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo so I had to put my foot down.

Got 'em!

How is choosing suspension like marriage?
Because compromise.

There is not a hope in hell I would use other people's marriage jokes at a wedding! That sort of joke has to be very specific and based on the couple's life events or the next thread would be "Well I lost half the car in my divorce".

Tcoat hit it on the head. While there are alot of general things that are common in marriage IE you will get in a fight, jokes will not be funny unless they have a direct correlation to your relationship. Kinda like if you were to use this joke. What do my wife and a hot pocket have in common? They both are stuffed with meat. I could get away with that. You try it you could very well end up on the floor.

Here is one that I kinda believe,,,its lighthearted and should flatter your wife.

Getting married is like locking in a good interest rate on a mortgage.

That is true because you also pay over time.

And once one is paid off you start looking for a better and bigger one.

One I say all the time is "been married for 34 years. They were 2 of the best years of my life." That would end up in a huge fight with many but my poor, suffering wife is used to me.

Im sure your wife and mine could relate. But then again mine is feisty she likes to barb me back.

fixed ;)

sorry but all my marriage jokes revolve around not doing it. :lol:

I got another!

:lol:

People saying don't use other people's jokes but then contributed 👍🏿

Well duh we have to give examples of things that can backfire you know ;)

Being married is great... Nothing like swearing eternal abstinence with the woman you love.