Random Thoughts - Part Deux [NO POLITICS]

[MrFisty]

Been trying to pay on my credit card for a week and a half. Every day, website says "We're currently unable to process payments at this time."

Keep coming back.

Today, I got hit with a late fee. Decided to give the bank a call.

Wait time is 15+ minutes.
Think those two things are related?

[Sapphireho]

Originally Posted by Tcoat

Damn near the only stock part left isn't it?

As you know, I like to keep as low key stock appearance as possible.

[nextcar]

Originally Posted by MrFisty

I didn't realize so many people didn't like Sheep/Go.

I have seen evidence to the contrary...

[Ultramaroon]

Originally Posted by Tcoat

If I start my car I drive it! Why would anybody start their car and then just turn it off again?

Sometimes my oil gets too thick so I run my engine for a minute to get some moisture back in there.

[Sapphireho]

Originally Posted by Ultramaroon

Sometimes my oil gets too thick so I run my engine for a minute to get some moisture back in there.

I do the opposite. I run it for a minute to dry out all the water from my crankcase.

[Teseo]

Originally Posted by MrFisty

I didn't realize so many people didn't like Sheep/Go.

Not saying that, it was from mid 2014 and back where random thoughts was a blast. It was like zombie land against a bunch of moderators, pages and pages was deleted, members banned etc. Go and sheep tryed to bring that old times but died on the line. Just a bunch survived that banslaughter, now we are in the lane because mods dont fuck around this time. Even russians cant do shit against the emperor

[Ultramaroon]

chicken bucket avatar is win

[Sapphireho]

Originally Posted by Ultramaroon

chicken bucket avatar is win

Love it!

[ichitaka05]

Boring day at work, so was reading some funny dumb guy stuff and this story came... OMG, I'm laughing so hard

WARNING FOR ALL MALES FROM ME

Last weekend I saw something at The Gun Show that sparked my interest. I was looking for a little something different for my wife Dana. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Dana what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Leo looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Leo (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. He is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a singlet with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with his head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

· My bent reading glasses were on the top of the TV.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.

· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

· I had no control over the drooling.

· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

[spike021]

Originally Posted by krayzie

I have a plastic trim tool that a car audio installer gave me yeons ago. I use it for just about everything.

The side marker is just held on by two metal clips that will give if you slowly pry the assembly laterally with the help of a trim tool using moderate force.

I don't know why people would use metal tools (i.e. flat head screwdriver) to pry on plastic pieces.

This sounds easier than 95% of people make it seem.

[new2subaru]

Originally Posted by Tcoat

Far right?

This car is so cool! You can just about take the whole thing apart with a couple of those and a Philips...

[Tcoat]

Originally Posted by new2subaru

This car is so cool! You can just about take the whole thing apart with a couple of those and a Philips...

I have the far right one. The tech left it in the car when they took out the Bongiovi module I refused to pay $800 for and they would not include in the deal.

[Sapphireho]

Originally Posted by Tcoat

I have the far right one. The tech left it in the car when they took out the Bong module I refused to pay $800 for and they would not include in the deal.

Sure doesn't look like an $800 option.

But I bet it does make the music sound better!

[Spuds]

Originally Posted by ichitaka05

Boring day at work, so was reading some funny dumb guy stuff and this story came... OMG, I'm laughing so hard

I was having a bad day. Not anymore. I'm actually in tears from laughing at this...