Learn to Drive

[MtnDrvr86]

This semi-regular column is written (in his own blood) by an automotive sage and noted malcontent, known as The Mechanic. Mercilessly beaten as a child with rolled-up back issues of old car magazines, our free-spoken hero developed a unique "for your own good" take on cars and the auto industry, along with an unfortunate habit of setting himself ablaze. Later, after a distinguished career as an automotive journalist and magazine editor, he cast off the reins of his musty oppressors, carved out his superego with a plastic spork and became The Mechanic.
You should learn to drive.
Why? Because you probably can't. Chances are you think you can, and you tell your friends you can, but you can't. If this is true, you're a squid: a guy who owns a car he can't even come close to driving near its potential.
Let's be clear. Squids suck.
And we'll all be better off if the squids of the world would put their egos aside and fess up to their squidness. Then we can move on to my larger point, which is that said squids should take the time and make the effort and do what it takes to really learn how to drive.
Now I'm not talking about hogging the left lane or using your turn signal. I'm talking about real driving. Car control. Entry speed. Trail braking. Left-foot braking. Contact patch manipulation. Heel-and-toe downshifting. Proper line.
I'm always amazed how many "car enthusiasts" are constantly talking about doing suspension and engine mods to their Insert Car Name Here when 99% of them can't drive it nearly as fast as it can go the way it left the factory. Trust me, their money and time is much better spent on driver training than it is on a cold-air intake and a fart can exhaust.
And please don't think I'm picking on the import Evo/WRX/Z crowd exclusively. This kind of ego-driven insanity is an across-the-car-world offense. From the Sultan of Money that just took delivery of his new Bugatti Veyron to the stockbrokers of New Porsh Beach to the endless list of Camaro and Mustang guys that have been poorly controlling their V8 beasts for 40 years. Hell, fact is, most performance car owners couldn't drive an Accord as fast as it can go, a point proven every week on Top Gear when they put a star in their reasonably priced car.
I'll give you another example of what I'm talking about. Once, in a previous life, I won a few races and set a few track records driving a Dodge Neon ACR in SCCA Showroom Stock C. About a year later, I attended (just to watch a friend drive) a Porsche Owners Club Squid Day at Willow Springs Raceway northeast of Los Angeles. Out of suspicion I pulled out my stopwatch. The majority were running lap times within a second of the times I was running in the Neon. And these guys were driving new 911 Turbos and were wearing $500 driving shoes, which are known to cause speed.
And they surely told all their friends how they spent the day driving their car fast at the racetrack. These people are delusional.
Basically, we're in the midst of a national epidemic of bad driving, and it's only fed by stability control systems, ABS and ever larger and stickier tires. These things make people feel fast. Especially slow people. Slow people I inevitably end up talking to. Then, of course, I have to hear about how they were ripping through the canyon and flying down the road, when I'm sure they were parking it in the corners like an old lady. As my dad, The Mechanic Sr., once told me, "The Mechanic," he said, "everyone is fast on the straightaways."
The worst offenders might be the auto journalists themselves. They are all fast. Just ask them. But the fact is, most couldn't turn a quick lap time if their life depended on it. I know. I know them. All of them. And I often have to drive cars on racetracks and mountain roads with them. Trust me when I tell you, maybe 50% of them can drive a car competently, 25% can drive a car well and only maybe 10% of American auto writers I would call skilled or fast.
I'm in that last group, of course.
Where do your skills fall? Be honest. Then go learn how to drive. -- The Mechanic, Inside Line Contributor


He has some pretty good points.



http://blogs.insideline.com/straight...-mechanic.html

[OldSkoolToys]

Hahahaha, good points indeed!

"everyone is fast on the straightaways."

I rofled, its so true....unless you drive an AE86.


I know I can't push the AE86 to its fastest around a track, but I do have some experience, so you'd be hard pressed to find myself calling, er, myself, a squid. Probably fall in that 50% competent driver bracket. Enough experience to know proper driving techniques and light-application, not enough to actually consistently push my car to its max limit.

[#87]

lol, I can't drive for shit. Wish instruction wasn't so expensive, or sparse for that matter (live in North East)...

[Midship Runabout]

I am simply known as "The Stig"
I am that fast!

[Matador]

I want to give him a standing ovation, but in the back of my mind, I know that punk is a squid.

p.s. Dixie, you lieth, because my baby brother is the stig, my other brother taught him and I taught my other brother. I am THAT fast
























in my dreams.... lol lol.
I do ok.

[Midship Runabout]

Originally Posted by MatadorRacing_F1

p.s. Dixie, you lieth, because my baby brother is the stig, my other brother taught him and I taught my other brother. I am THAT fast

I must have been mistaken. my apologies your honor. haha

[NESW20]

only way to settle this is with a national/international meet involving autox, karting, and road course.

-Mike

[SLeRoux92]

Originally Posted by Dixie Normous

I am simply known as "The Stig"
I am that fast!

were you a member at drift411?

[Lexicon101]

Originally Posted by OldSkoolToys

Hahahaha, good points indeed!


I rofled, its so true....unless you drive an AE86.


I know I can't push the AE86 to its fastest around a track, but I do have some experience, so you'd be hard pressed to find myself calling, er, myself, a squid. Probably fall in that 50% competent driver bracket. Enough experience to know proper driving techniques and light-application, not enough to actually consistently push my car to its max limit.

That was my favorite line too.
Stop stealing my commenting material.

[Midship Runabout]

Originally Posted by SLeRoux92

were you a member at drift411?

thats a negative ghost rider

[Doty0588]

the pattern is full

[4agze]

These people are delusional.Basically, we're in the midst of a national epidemic of bad driving, and it's only fed by stability control systems, ABS and ever larger and stickier tires.

I love this quote, I want to add the paddle shifting, synchro rev matching and electronic LSD, what happen to just you and the car.

[Slothman86]

I just know that I'm not slow in my yaris... that is all.

I did know this guy who would tell this bullshit story about racing this mustang Gt in a stock neon...

story

...I was up in the mountains of Roanoke, Va. I went to VA to take pilot lessons (legit) One day everyone went to this one mountain (akina presumably) I had at the time a 95 dodge neon. I hadn't done much work to it. an intake and exhaust. that was it. I heard some guy bragging about how he could beat anyone there in a race. I thought he was just talking shit so I said I could beat him. I bet him $50. So, we roll up to the line. Me in my neon, and him in his .... mustang GT. I had no clue what kind of car he had before the moment he rolled up to the line. I started hoping that he couldn't drive. We waited for the signal to go and he took off like I was driving in reverse. So I floored it and pushed my neon to the limit. The first corner came up. It was night then so I could see it in his headlights. He hit the brakes and I started counting...1,2,3,4,5,6. He hit his brakes for a whole five seconds. So I knew he must be a bad driver. I eventually caught up with him because I was way faster in the corners and I beat him at the last corner. (can you say initial-d? lol)

seriously this guy told the story to everyone he met so he could sound like a car god or something...of course he owned a rusted bucket of junk taurus at the time and was "scared" to race it in fear of it breaking down.

What to you think, could it have been a true story?

[OldSkoolToys]

Originally Posted by MatadorRacing_F1

I want to give him a standing ovation, but in the back of my mind, I know that punk is a squid.

I was gonna say something similar. The post starts out knocking ego-driven squids, when he infact, is posting an article thats completely driven by his ego, with a snobbish tone throughout it.

were you a member at drift411?

I was / am, I just don't ever browse the forums...

DoriftoAE86 (mispell on Dorifto is on purpose).