Random Thoughts - Part Deux [NO POLITICS]

[p1l0t]

Originally Posted by Nevermore

So, I've known her for more than 12 years, all online. I've been romantically interested in her for the past 5 or 6. He has known her a few years less, but has also been romantically interested in her the same amount of time. Him and I were in the same position and she realized it was a problem probably early 2014, which was when everything resembling a relationship was broken off with us both. He visited her in England for a weekend only a couple of months after that, and a couple months after that, she spent a week with him here. Then around Thanksgiving that year they started dating. It turns out she asked him out, not the other way around. I don't blame either of them for what happen, though I do feel like I severely missed out.


I went to England to visit her late January/early February 2015. I spent a week with her, and that is the only time I've met her in person. The only thing that kept me from sharing her bed then was that it was too small. But! We did cuddle a few times. That's the most physical contact we have had with each other. We're comfortable enough to be close, but we both know the reality of the situation. She is with him, and him alone. But my comfort is still welcome, and appreciated. And a little bit of her is a lot better than none of her at all, foolish as that is.

Meh, you never know, maybe she wants to marry you more but citizenship is her #1 priority. But you deff don't want to marry a girl who doesn't honor it to begin with if she does. So that's your paradox. If you do hit it, hit it and quit it.

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[HunterGreene]

Originally Posted by Nevermore

Okay! So, I'm going to ask this question in the most basic form to prevent confusion. Let's just assume we're all adults (ha!) and that we're quite capable of controlling ourselves. I've mentioned the girl I'm pretty much head over heels for before and the fact that she is marrying some other guy. She's British, and he's American, so she's moving over here as soon as the paperwork is done. Once she's here it'll be easier for us to hang out and we've even talked excitedly about her visiting me (sans the fiancé/husband).


We have discussed sleeping arrangements plenty and it's mutually agreed that she's more than happy to sleep in the same bed as me. As far as I can tell, she doesn't see anything wrong with it at all (though I doubt it'll be an open discussion with her fiancé/husband). I know I can behave because they're a done deal. I have no swaying power whatsoever, so this is completely innocent, just two adults sharing a bed. This is sleeping together that is literally just sleeping together, and nothing else.

My question for you fine, upstanding people is this, is that right? Or is it still cheating on some level? Am I a bad person for suggesting, offering, encouraging, and asking for it? If she's comfortable, does that make it any better or worse?

tl;dr: Is it okay to sleep with another man's wife if literally all you're doing is sleeping? No sex, nothing lewd.

Sharing a bed isn't cheating, just to lay that out there.

However, the points that I put in bold up there are HUGE red flags.. Why would she want to visit you sans spouse? I would honestly wonder if she has actually brought this up to her spouse, let alone you've never met the guy. You can't even be sure this guy exists, unless you have seen photos or met him in person.

Second Point, who brought up sleeping in the same bed? If she did, red flag. If you shared that bed for the night, you might wake up to a surprise.

Long story short, there are a couple things that make me worry about her intentions. Or, I could be wrong and go with my guess that I gave Cole a while back--they're swingers or will be having an open relationship.

Good luck. Have her visit, you sleep on the couch. Safest bet.

[MisterSheep]

Originally Posted by p1l0t

Meh, you never know, maybe she wants to marry you more but citizenship is her #1 priority. But you deff don't want to marry a girl who doesn't honor it to begin with if she does. So that's your paradox. If you do hit it, hit it and quit it.

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This is good advise.. I was in a similar boat where a girl was interested in me and I was interested in her but she had a BF. Well one day she "admitted her love" for me, left her BF and came for me. Well let me tell you this.. 8 months down the road and she did the same thing again, but left me for another guy.

I know it's going to be rough and she may be the "one who got away" but you can't get temped no matter how hard it may be. Have her or yourself sleep on the couch if you have to or even the floor.

[LOLS2K]

Originally Posted by p1l0t

Meh, you never know, maybe she wants to marry you more but citizenship is her #1 priority. But you deff don't want to marry a girl who doesn't honor it to begin with if she does. So that's your paradox. If you do hit it, hit it and quit it.

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I don't think that would happen. No offense to @Nevermore but if he hits that, he's putting a ring on it.

[MisterSheep]

Originally Posted by LOLS2K

I don't think that would happen. No offense to @Nevermore but if he hits that, he's putting a ring on it.

or in it

[LOLS2K]

Originally Posted by MisterSheep

or in it

[Nevermore]

{REDACTED}

[Tectoniic]

Originally Posted by Nevermore

I'll argue this shit all day if someone doesn't change the subject haha

My AT is better than MT. I can downshift faster.

[ScoobsMcGee]

Originally Posted by Tectoniic

My AT is better than MT. I can downshift faster.

Manual transmission is best transmission because clutch kick.

[Teseo]

Just bang her for god sake!! Next morning ignore her if she try to speak with you, you did well done on the bed.
Dont forget to blame the alcohol.
Manual > Automatic

[Ultramaroon]

Originally Posted by Cole

Ugh, whatevs, yolo.

Haha....

[Ultramaroon]

Originally Posted by HunterGreene

Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one...

"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."

Amen.

[HunterGreene]

Originally Posted by Nevermore

Argh, I'm starting to regret bringing it up. No offense to you guys, though. I just know myself. I'll sit here and argue with you all day if you let me. I'm biased and I know this or that and blah blah blah.


So let's see if I can keep this one short. I know the guy. He's a mutual friend. Or was, she'd rather we got along, but it's hard for me to like him at this point. We got along great before. I've told her as much before, which could be why the talks of her visits don't include him. She's probably trying to save me the agony of seeing them together. I will eventually, but she's just keeping me from suffering.


Other points to make for this, and for others because of what I'm seeing. Last time I checked, she's still a virgin. This could very well have changed recently, but I try not to think about it. She's never had sex with any of her boyfriends, and not even her fiancé has gotten it out of her yet (as far as I know). She's not going to do it with me. She's definitely not doing it for the greencard, that's just not her style. She is honest to a fault, and as I said, loyal. She would never betray him, or me, regardless of the situation.


Sleeping in the same bed was my idea. All the bad ideas are always my idea. She's just super nice and accepting. Plus, I'm pretty awesome. I do appreciate you guys worrying about me, but I'm biased, honest, and loyal myself. I'll argue this shit all day if someone doesn't change the subject haha

No worries, you know the situation alot better than we do. Trust your gut, is all I suggest.

[p1l0t]

Originally Posted by HunterGreene

No worries, you know the situation alot better than we do. Trust your gut, is all I suggest.