Random Thoughts - Part Deux [NO POLITICS]

[Dadhawk]

Originally Posted by Sapphireho

My daughter will be 26 this year. It all started around junior high....I hear she and her boyfriend live in Oregon now, but don't really know. I try to say, well, her choice, but it is still hard sometimes. I don't have any idea even what kind of person she is.

That's tough. Unfortunately it sounds like if you want a relationship with her, you'll have to be the one the puts in the effort to make it happen. In the end, it's only her choice if she completely shuts you out. If you really do care, don't give her that option.

I have a great relationship with my 3 sons, but I'm the one that puts the most effort into staying in touch. I'd say 70% of our communication is initiated by either my wife or me.

Best of luck!

[humfrz]

Originally Posted by Sapphireho

My daughter will be 26 this year. It all started around junior high. Her mother and I split when she was an infant. We had a typical custody arraignment: I had her every other weekend, and Wednesday nights. Once she got about junior high age I didn't want to be the dad that MADE her come to our house, since her life and friends were in her mother's neighborhood. So it has probably been more like 13 years since I have been in the same room as her for more than a hour or so. She just stopped coming around. I know she has had the same boyfriend since about 16. I have never seen or met him. My older sons used to keep in touch with her on Facebook or something, but when she didn't even come around when my dad died a year ago November, they cut her off. My son Joe says "she is dead to me". I hear she and her boyfriend live in Oregon now, but don't really know. I try to say, well, her choice, but it is still hard sometimes. I don't have any idea even what kind of person she is.

I'd suggest you send her a simple card and write something like "Thinking of you, Love Dad"

See if she responds.


humfrz

[Sapphireho]

Originally Posted by humfrz

I'd suggest you send her a simple card and write something like "Thinking of you, Love Dad"

See if she responds.


humfrz

I might if anyone knew where to send it.

[humfrz]

Originally Posted by Sapphireho

I might if anyone knew where to send it.

Have you tried looking her up on facebook?


humfrz

[Spuds]

Originally Posted by Dadhawk

I have a great relationship with my 3 sons, but I'm the one that puts the most effort into staying in touch. I'd say 70% of our communication is initiated by either my wife or me.

Lol this sounds like my family. Me and my brothers are terrible at communicating with each other. We mostly communicate through my parents. It doesn't help that we live in very different parts of the country.

[echo419]

females are the 2nd most selfish creatures on the face of the planet(with exceptions of course). the most selfish are teen-aged females.

[Dadhawk]

Originally Posted by Spuds

Lol this sounds like my family. Me and my brothers are terrible at communicating with each other. We mostly communicate through my parents. It doesn't help that we live in very different parts of the country.

Oh, I was only marginally better as a son myself. The only difference was if I didn't call my parents, we would have never talked, as I couldn't convince them phone lines worked in both directions. They expected me to call them.

My 3 sons probably stay in touch with each other more than us because they all do the "instant media" stuff (snapchat, Instagram, etc). No facebook though, that's all so last generation now (I never did facebook anyway so I'm good with that).

My siblings and I (2 sisters) exchange texts a few times a month and play a few phone games against each other (Words with Friends, Trivia Crack, that type of thing) so we probably communicate more in the last 5 years then we did in the previous 20.

[Tcoat]

Originally Posted by Dadhawk

Oh, I was only marginally better as a son myself. The only difference was if I didn't call my parents, we would have never talked, as I couldn't convince them phone lines worked in both directions. They expected me to call them.

My 3 sons probably stay in touch with each other more than us because they all do the "instant media" stuff (snapchat, Instagram, etc). No facebook though, that's all so last generation now (I never did facebook anyway so I'm good with that).

My siblings and I (2 sisters) exchange texts a few times a month and play a few phone games against each other (Words with Friends, Trivia Crack, that type of thing) so we probably communicate more in the last 5 years then we did in the previous 20.

I talk to my one sister every year at Christmas and the other none of have heard from in 10 years or so. I have Facebook but havn't checked it in a year or so.


My wife on the other hand can tell you what all of her relatives are up to at any given point it time. Thanks to Facebook she will know exactly what her 5th cousin 4 times removed named their pet hamster, bought new shoes and had for dinner last night.

[Spuds]

Originally Posted by echo419

females are the 2nd most selfish creatures on the face of the planet(with exceptions of course). the most selfish are teen-aged females.

You know, I was just wondering why this forum and the car community in general is a total sausage-fest. Now I understand!

[Dadhawk]

Originally Posted by Spuds

You know, I was just wondering why this forum and the car community in general is a total sausage-fest. Now I understand!

It's not unique to this forum or the car community.

There was some good discussion recently in one of the aviation magazines I read saying basically the same thing. Despite massive efforts on the part of many in the community, including employers and the military, the percentage of female participants has only increased marginally in the past few decades.

In reverse, the same is true for such professions as teaching and nursing. Yes there have been "improvements" with males joining those professions but they are still heavily weighted female despite efforts to do otherwise.

In the end, there are almost always going to be professions and avocations that have some level of "sexism" to them, not everything can split directly proportionately along certain lines. I know it's a bit old school but it seems we should be focusing on people that want to do the job/hobby and not focusing on what type of people want to participate.

[Spuds]

Originally Posted by Dadhawk

It's not unique to this forum or the car community.

There was some good discussion recently in one of the aviation magazines I read saying basically the same thing. Despite massive efforts on the part of many in the community, including employers and the military, the percentage of female participants has only increased marginally in the past few decades.

In reverse, the same is true for such professions as teaching and nursing. Yes there have been "improvements" with males joining those professions but they are still heavily weighted female despite efforts to do otherwise.

In the end, there are almost always going to be professions and avocations that have some level of "sexism" to them, not everything can split directly proportionately along certain lines. I know it's a bit old school but it seems we should be focusing on people that want to do the job/hobby and not focusing on what type of people want to participate.

I know. I just wanted to bust his balls for stereotyping.

[Cole]

Ain't it funny how life changes?

Fiancee and I have been casually discussing how we want our wedding. Recently that plan has been scrubbed in favour of a city hall ceremony in a couple weeks, with a big party next summer.

She's noticed how miserable I am when I work this job, so we've made a deal that I'm sticking with it until December, and we'll go from there. If I want to quit, she's going to support me until I figure it out which probably just get back into the reserves and then go to school for an apprenticeship program.

And then in the midst of all this, sounds like we may be moving to Ottawa in the winter because there are tons of nursing jobs which will support her while she does her master's. On top of that, nice condos in questionable neighbourhoods can be found for under 200k, which means neither of us would even need full time jobs to live.

Not a bad start to this marriage.

[soundman98]

Originally Posted by Sapphireho

My daughter will be 26 this year. It all started around junior high. Her mother and I split when she was an infant. We had a typical custody arraignment: I had her every other weekend, and Wednesday nights. Once she got about junior high age I didn't want to be the dad that MADE her come to our house, since her life and friends were in her mother's neighborhood. So it has probably been more like 13 years since I have been in the same room as her for more than a hour or so. She just stopped coming around. I know she has had the same boyfriend since about 16. I have never seen or met him. My older sons used to keep in touch with her on Facebook or something, but when she didn't even come around when my dad died a year ago November, they cut her off. My son Joe says "she is dead to me". I hear she and her boyfriend live in Oregon now, but don't really know. I try to say, well, her choice, but it is still hard sometimes. I don't have any idea even what kind of person she is.

i agree with humfrz. a little googling for an address and a card would be a good start. for all anyone knows, she could feel the same way, but assume you pushed her away.

Originally Posted by Dadhawk

Oh, I was only marginally better as a son myself. The only difference was if I didn't call my parents, we would have never talked, as I couldn't convince them phone lines worked in both directions. They expected me to call them.

My 3 sons probably stay in touch with each other more than us because they all do the "instant media" stuff (snapchat, Instagram, etc). No facebook though, that's all so last generation now (I never did facebook anyway so I'm good with that).

My siblings and I (2 sisters) exchange texts a few times a month and play a few phone games against each other (Words with Friends, Trivia Crack, that type of thing) so we probably communicate more in the last 5 years then we did in the previous 20.

my family is now closer because of my brother stepping away. we're terrible at talking during the week. so since the whole thing, the parents have dinner for everyone at least once a week. it doesn't matter what's for dinner, or even if there's enough. the whole point is to get together and shoot the breeze. if we didn't get together like that we would never talk. we're all quite terrible on the phone.

in the same respect, thanks to all of it, i finally see eye-to-eye most of the time with my sister.. we've been at each others throats for as long as she's been alive. so some good has come from all of my situation.

Originally Posted by Dadhawk

It's not unique to this forum or the car community.

There was some good discussion recently in one of the aviation magazines I read saying basically the same thing. Despite massive efforts on the part of many in the community, including employers and the military, the percentage of female participants has only increased marginally in the past few decades.

In reverse, the same is true for such professions as teaching and nursing. Yes there have been "improvements" with males joining those professions but they are still heavily weighted female despite efforts to do otherwise.

In the end, there are almost always going to be professions and avocations that have some level of "sexism" to them, not everything can split directly proportionately along certain lines. I know it's a bit old school but it seems we should be focusing on people that want to do the job/hobby and not focusing on what type of people want to participate.

that reminds me of an article i was reading last week.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/27/w...davos-men.html

it's interesting how a movement that at it's roots worked to build equality and end harassment has created a whole other type of sexism.

[Dadhawk]

Originally Posted by soundman98

that reminds me of an article i was reading last week.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/27/w...davos-men.html

it's interesting how a movement that at it's roots worked to build equality and end harassment has created a whole other type of sexism.

Yea, I read that article, although honestly it isn't new. For most of my career it has been "normal" for male and female coworkers or manager/employee (either M/F or F/M) to avoid these type of situations.

I've personally never had an issue meeting with female coworkers, or having a meal with them. I only have one exception. I don't drink with female coworkers if travelling together, and definitely do not go in each other's rooms, regardless of the reason.