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Old 11-26-2019, 10:46 PM   #63435
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I take it making personal stuff at work is out of the question for you ?
Not yet. I'm slow-walking that one.
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Old 11-26-2019, 10:51 PM   #63436
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You just have to walk up to the biggest one and punch him right in the face. They'll accept you once they know you won't put up with any of their fucking redneck bullshit.
It's idaho, not prison.
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Old 11-26-2019, 10:57 PM   #63437
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Coming here didn't help.

Thanks guys.
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Old 11-26-2019, 11:11 PM   #63438
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It's idaho, not prison.
same thing
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Old 11-26-2019, 11:30 PM   #63439
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Coming here didn't help.

Thanks guys.
Dude, I've moved all over the country my whole life. The process of being accepted by the tribe is a learned skill and can be really fun and liberating.


That shit our parents told us about how "They don't deserve to be your friend anyhow" is true.
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Old 11-27-2019, 12:09 AM   #63440
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Sadly this time it wasn’t a manager. Just another engineer who’d be my peer if I did wind up working there.

Interviews in this industry are just part of a larger, broken system. I’m not sure there’s an easy way to fix it. Many people have had a plethora of discussions on it with no widely acceptable solution.



Anywho that turned into a bit of a late night rant. Sorry hehe.
Well, back-in-the-day, I have managed several groups of people. Included in those duties was hiring (and firing) several people.

When I had an opening to fill, I would initially interview the applicants then have each member of my group interview the applicants. Then we would have a meeting and discuss which one would make the best contribution to achieving our objectives AND "fit in well" with the group (best team player).

Our selection would be sent up to the next higher for a brief interview, then offered the position.

Over the years, I found that this procedure worked pretty well.


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Old 11-27-2019, 12:33 AM   #63441
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You just have to walk up to the biggest one and punch him right in the face. They'll accept you once they know you won't put up with any of their fucking redneck bullshit.
Easy for YOU to say, "big guy" -




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Old 11-27-2019, 01:18 AM   #63442
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Easy for YOU to say, "big guy" -

High school? Guess who the biggest guy in the room was.
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Old 11-27-2019, 01:57 AM   #63443
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Well, I'm feeling pretty bummed out. I go to the dive bar a couple days a week. There is usually a table full of guys my age. I sit at the bar. I can hear them talking about hunting, fishing, all things I have done. I buy them all drinks when I play the slot machines and win, but still they don't ask me to join. No one has bought me a drink. I try to casually join in with no luck. I'm still the guy from California.

So I just play the slot machine and leave. Now I know how the new kids at the high school felt.
Well, too bad you feel bummed out -

I would bet that most of that group were born and raised in those parts, have barely a HS education, are blue collar workers or laborers, are still working with retirement 10-15 years away, drive an older pickup, are barely getting by paycheck to paycheck and have been buddies most of their lives. Some may be related one way or another.

This is what I can imagine those good old boys around the table are thinking and saying as you enter and after you leave.

here comes the hot shot from California

I hear he paid a handsome sum for that place he bought, some say he paid cash, paid twice as much as it sold for last time, them Californians are driving the house prices up around here so as WE can hardly afford to buy a house

ya, you see all those fancy sports cars he drives - what useless vehicles

fucking show off

pass over some of those bar nuts

He says he's retired - and he ain't no older than we are

Wonder how he came into all that money - most likely he inherited it

Comes in here and sticks some money into those machines and WINS, then buys us all drinks - what a show off

I'll bet he has never done a hard, honest days work, in his whole life



NOW, if I have the group profiled right, how do you deal with the situation?

Over the years I have interacted with people from all over the US, from slack jawed, mouth breathing, inbreds from Arkansas to wealthy, highly educated snobs from the East coast.

In the words of my very smart wife, "you aren't going to change them, so, don't even try."

My advice is to just be yourself and experience other groups. Soon you will find a group of people that you will feel more comfortable being around.

Oh yes, I'd suggest you quit buying them drinks, that just fuels their perception of you.


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Old 11-27-2019, 03:06 AM   #63444
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Well, I'm feeling pretty bummed out. I go to the dive bar a couple days a week. There is usually a table full of guys my age. I sit at the bar. I can hear them talking about hunting, fishing, all things I have done. I buy them all drinks when I play the slot machines and win, but still they don't ask me to join. No one has bought me a drink. I try to casually join in with no luck. I'm still the guy from California.

So I just play the slot machine and leave. Now I know how the new kids at the high school felt.
May need to ditch the California vibe, dress like them.. don't buy them drinks.. just gate crash their table.. forget casual smooching..
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Old 11-27-2019, 08:02 AM   #63445
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Well, I only drive a dodge truck to the bar. And I've only bought drinks twice, and for the entire bar, not just them. Seems to be what most do when one of the machines pays off. And I wear the same thing I've worn for decades; Carhart t-shirt and jeans. Same as everyone else.

I guess I miss my friends.
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Old 11-27-2019, 08:49 AM   #63446
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sapphireho View Post
Well, I'm feeling pretty bummed out. I go to the dive bar a couple days a week. There is usually a table full of guys my age. I sit at the bar. I can hear them talking about hunting, fishing, all things I have done. I buy them all drinks when I play the slot machines and win, but still they don't ask me to join. No one has bought me a drink. I try to casually join in with no luck. I'm still the guy from California.

So I just play the slot machine and leave. Now I know how the new kids at the high school felt.
That sucks. I've felt that way every new place but one, and I had a lot of new places to try growing up. I got so used to leaving friends I gave up trying to really find any. There are a few around, but even they seem far away.

I just read an article about the platform for mayor was keeping Californians from moving in. Boise I think. Its a tough spot. @humfrz is probably right. Maybe there are other outsiders feeling lost. Or even at home.

I've also been surprised to finally understand that the places I want to spend my time is because of the people, not the place. Amazing places without the right people to share just not the same,though I definitely need time without people to recharge.

Hanging in there. Get out, do things. The friends will happen.
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Old 11-27-2019, 09:57 AM   #63447
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Well, I only drive a dodge truck to the bar. And I've only bought drinks twice, and for the entire bar, not just them. Seems to be what most do when one of the machines pays off. And I wear the same thing I've worn for decades; Carhart t-shirt and jeans. Same as everyone else.

I guess I miss my friends.
Looking the same and doing the same things unfortunately does not make you one of them.

This is a subject that I can not contribute much value to though since when I did move from city to city it was with the Army so new friends were easy to make and you quickly forgot the old ones that you may never see again. I have lived in the same city ever since I left so have not had the huge disruption to my life that moving to another place would cause.


You don't have to move far away to miss your friends though. One of my closest friends for over 40 years lives about 2 miles away and in the last two years I have spent more time with Ultra and yourself (and the wives of course) than I have even spoke to him. Changing interests and hobbies have caused us to drift apart just as effectively as if one of us had moved 1,000 miles away. Surprisingly enough both of us are fine with that and value the time we do spend together that much more.


If I recall correctly you spent your whole life up to the move living and working within about a 6 block radius so this massive change will take more than a few months to get used to. It will happen and as you have said you met some great people from the car club and the previous owners of the house so just give it time and that will continue to expand. Not sure that a group of guys that are in the dive bar "every time" you go in are worth feeling bad about anyway.
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Old 11-27-2019, 12:18 PM   #63448
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