So updating for posterity.
After living with it, the situation was very consistent. Every morning it would have forgotten its position. It wouldn't let me do the learning process until the car was turned off, then turned back on (sometimes have to be hours apart), then the 2nd time starting up, i could do the learning process. Then fine till next morning, and it was wrong again.
I picked up an extra switch set, didnt want to open it up, and not have the parts to fix.
When I opened it up, i noticed that the big connecter was not fully inserted. I pushed it in and the window moved a little. I went ahead and replaced the whole thing since I had it apart, but I think it was just the loose connector. the little push catch thing wasn't locking the connector in place, so when I installed, I used a pick to pry the push button back out to lock into place.
Hopefully someone else with a similar issue can read this and avoid the headaches I had.
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