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I used to be worried about the same thing and then I see video of a kid taking a bath in a fast food sink. You have a valid concern, and I can appreciate you want to keep the car perfect and you want to keep long-term costs low. It is wrong for a dealership to do what they did and there is no excuse for it.
In the long run you will do more unintentional wear to your car in between oil changes than a valet can do to a clutch in 100 visits. Unless you check your tire pressure and fluid levels every other fill up being even 1/2 qt low on oil or 5 lbs off on tire pressure puts unnecessary strain on an engine. Even if a person can drive stick, every clutch grabs in a different place, every shifter reacts differently... so there is going to be some minor undue wear anyway. I could be wrong but the other than a clutch failure, most clutch parts are considered wear items anyway.
I can get 80-100K miles out of a set of brakes, my wife gets about 25K. Neither of us drives badly, it's just that I engine brake more often. I have gotten as much as 200K miles out of an original clutch and I hold it in at every stop light (I'm working on this though).
You are right to be upset, and I'm sure any reputable dealer would like this to be brought to their attention and handle it internally. Unless they Ferris Bueller'ed your car nothing was done out of malice and I don't think there is any irreparable harm done to your car.
You can also request a permanent note on your account to not provide courtesy car washes. I did something similar with a large internet company who recently started handling their own deliveries. I specifically requested no in-house courier service and only the major delivery companies handle my deliveries. They were happy to note my account and honor it... I just had to ask.
As stated above - they want your business and a simple note on your account could be all you need.
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