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Honestly, I think some people take this way too personal and probably have a chip on their shoulder (and in many cases, rightfully so) due to past experience.
Since 2000, between me and my wife, we have owned 7 brand new vehicles. For six of them I sent out email to local dealers within a 50 mile radius or so of the car I was interested in. I would then narrow it down to the best two or three and call them on the phone to get their final price and get, in writing, the OTD price of the vehicle including all dealer fees and taxes.
I then setup an appointment, walk into the dealer with my email, test drive the car and make sure it is the car I want, and do the paperwork. Yes, 90% of the time they try to get you to buy some paint protection, Lo-Jack, etc. but just be polite and firm. I always tell them that I have done my research and 100% am not going to buy any dealer add-ons or extended warranties. Before they even launch into their sales pitch. Thanks, but no thanks. I just want the car at the price that was agreed to in the email. That's it. Thank you very much.
Works very well. If they are still pushy or try to change the terms of the deal, just walk away.
Just use a tool like Truecar as reference and doublecheck the manufacturers website for any incentives or rebates. It is so much more stress free for everybody this way.
And if you have a trade-in, you need to do your homework. Dealers make a lot of money off trade-ins and many of them will try to lowball you. That said, don't expect private party sale price on a dealer trade-in. It is a two-way street and dealers have to make money too. You can always sell private party and will almost always come out thousands of dollars ahead.
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