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Don't over think it. All that really matters is that you have enough grip on it to keep it from slipping through your fingers but not such a kung-fu grip that you're white knuckling it. The car doesn't have to be gently caressed, nor does it need to be slammed into gear. Beyond that, how you apply the proper amount of pressure to get it into the next gate is up to you.
And if you ever start shifting in some particularly stylish way that you think "looks cool," you're not. I saw a video a while back where some kid was throwing his elbow out to the side and slamming the shifter into the gates, like he was all gangsta an' shit. On the contrary, he was just a moron. Ultimately, shifting is one of those things that should just happen without you or anybody else really noticing.
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