parking paranoia
 

I think I've come to terms with the fact that I'm pretty paranoid when it comes to parking my car. I guess I'm lucky that the woman in my life puts up with it. I will pass up parking spaces in busy areas just because they're "not good enough". I'd like to share my paranoia with you all so that you can either 1) sympathize with me because you are the same, 2) realize how much more paranoid you need to be, or 3) have a good laugh. :D

I'm not just paranoid about the FR-S. I do it for every car I've owned, although I seem to get more paranoid with every passing year. I literally stress about the stress (and sadness) that I'll have to deal with if the car gets damaged.

When parking, I essentially do a mental rundown of this list when evaluating any parking spot:

1. Is it on the corner of the block?
   1. How much space is there between the front/back of the car and the corner? (to calculate the odds of a bad driver whacking the car when turning)
   2. How much foot traffic is there at the intersection? (to calculate the odds of hater vandalism)
2. Is it a tight spot in residential SF in between two driveways?
   1. Look at the two houses. Check time of day. Does it look like the cars will come out of the house or go in between now and when I leave? (to calculate the odds of the residents hitting my car on their way in/out. those spaces are tight!)
   2. Is the street wide enough to easily allow the sub-average driver to turn into the driveway without hitting the car?
3. Does it have a meter with a bike locked to it? (to calculate the odds of the biker ramming the bike into the car)
4. Is it between two cars, when parked parallel to the curb?
   1. What are the cars on both sides? Cars that have more to lose than I do?
   2. Do the bumpers of the cars to the front and back look trashed? (to calculate the odds of a bumper car driver)
   3. How tight is the spot? Based on a cursory, stereotyping glance of each car and the contents inside, how much faith do I have in their ability to control a moving vehicle?
   4. If it's on a hill, pay more attention to the one uphill.
5. Is it between two cars, when parked parallel to the other cars?
   1. How much space is between my car and theirs? (to calculate the odds of them opening their door into my car)
   2. Based on stereotypes and prejudice, are the cars likely to be owned by courteous people or rude people?
   3. How straight did the two cars park? (to calculate the odds of them hitting my car on their way out of the spot)
   4. Do the cars look like family cars? e.g. vans, SUVs, kid stickers. (to calculate the odds of kids, with their limited strength and motor control, swinging the door too wide and hitting my car)
   5. Do the cars have a handicap placard/sticker? (to calculate the odds of a disabled person having difficulty opening the door with care)
   6. Are the cars Priuses? Cuz we all know they're terrible drivers/people, AMIRITE? Just kidding... :bonk:
6. Is it in front of a bar? (to calculate the odds of drunken street pissing and/or hater vandalism)
7. Is it under a tree that has a lot of pollen or sap underneath it? (to calculate the odds of having to clean my car afterwards)
8. Does it have a lot of bird poop on it?
9. Is it in a garage?
   1. Is it in a well lit area? (to calculate the odds of burglary)
   2. Is it visible from the main pedestrian area, such as the elevator? (to calculate the odds of burglary)
   3. Does it smell like piss? (to calculate the odds of a homeless person pissing on it or sleeping next to it)
10. Is it next to a shopping cart collecting area? (to calculate the odds of someone throwing the cart at the rails and missing)

This actually took longer to write and think about than I thought it would... so I'm just gonna stop there. I'm sure I left out some stuff, but I'm too tired now. Are any of you as paranoid as I am? Maybe worse? :lol:

1. is normal. As for the rest, you may want to seek professional help!
I'll have my car shrink call you!

Here's my list
Is it on the corner of the block or parking garage?
How much space is there between the front/back of the car and the corner? (to calculate the odds of a bad driver whacking the car when turning)

I refuse to street park!
Is the street wide enough to easily allow the sub-average driver to turn into the driveway without hitting the car?

Taught to me by good ole Dad!
What are the cars on both sides? Cars that have more to lose than I do?
(goes together with the one beneath!)
Do the bumpers of the cars to he front and back look trashed? (to calculate the odds of a bumper car driver)

**The big one**...have you seen some of these fat slobs?
Is it between two cars, when parked parallel to the other cars?
How much space is between my car and theirs? (to calculate the odds of them opening their door into my car)

What are you? Six? ( yeah, I know...who droves at six; LOL) this is just silly)
Based on stereotypes and prejudice, are the cars likely to be owned by courteous people or rude people?
**BINGO!**
How straight did the two cars park? (to calculate the odds of them hitting my car on their way out of the spot)

**DOUBLE BINGO**
Do the cars look like family cars? e.g. vans, SUVs, kid stickers. (to calculate the odds of kids, with their limited strength and motor control, swinging the door too wide and hitting my car)

Ok, why would you even dare to park there? FAIL!
Do the cars have a handicap placard/sticker? (to calculate the odds of a disabled person having difficulty opening the door with care)

Are the cars Priuses? Cuz we all know they're terrible drivers/people, AMIRITE? Just kidding... **NO you're not! Those !@#$%^ can't drive!**

Is it in a garage? Most of the time!
**Surely you don't park in the dark?** There's no !@#$% way!**
Is it in a well lit area? (to calculate the odds of burglary)

I park really close to the one "2 miles from the entrance"
Is it next to a shopping cart collecting area? (to calculate the odds of someone throwing the cart at the rails and missing)

Perhaps you should consider a bike, they are easier to maintain, parking wise! If it's ever not where I left it, well...those 2014's are pretty nice!

Dude, are you me??

paranoia is a bad thing

no matter what you do, you cant avoid idiots on the road

just drive the car and have fun

^ agreed

That's OCD not paranoia.

But I do the same so who am I to judge...lol

Its a Toybaru not a irreplaceable classic or collector car.....seek help.

Try this...

http://i.imgur.com/rNtCie3.jpg

Your not even bad. I'm so much worst :)

i parked in a garage and avoided street parking...

i came back to my car with a gouge cause the idiot behind me didnt know how to park and hit my car...

it cant be avoided...

This is why I sometimes long for a "I don't care car". BTW, you can allay a lot of your fears by deploying a "Bump Shox" around your front license plate, and a "Bumper Bully" on the rear. The latter can be folded back inside when you are not parked. The Bump Shox has low-visibility on gray or black vehicles.

After 4 hits in 3 weeks, it really doesn't matter where you park the car. As long as it's in a public space, there is a chance that someone WILL hit it. I'm still paranoid and am getting better at dealing with careless assholes fucking up my car, but as long as it can be buffed out, I'm not going to sweat over it. It's the dents and crushed body panels/bumpers that really get my blood boiling. I'm spending about $800 on repairs and the car isn't even 6 months old. All I can say is thank goodness for insurance because the final bill will be 4 times that.

Hell, I've had someone mess up my car at a freaking cemetery on Easter when they cut up my front bumper with their swinging trunk door. After I stopped them, someone in their party wanted to start a fight with me.

Doesn't matter if it's right at the entrance or the furthest spot in the lot because any disrespectful asshole can take notice or even merely be in the vicinity and fuck your shit up.

@FRiSson
I don't know if having a beater would help. Even if I had the shittiest shit box to ever shit a box, I would still care because it's still my hard earned money that I used to buy it and disrespectful fucks are messing with my stuff. The only thing a beater is good for is giving a little payback.

Saw a woman driving a beat up FJ Cruiser park next to me, and at the last moment when she was getting in the spot, turned her wheel closer to my car so she was on the line. As she was getting out of her car, she pushed her door lightly so that it was in contact with mine. Watching this the whole time, I was getting infuriated why this bitch decided to park next to me when there were plenty of spots around. Her car was littered with dings and a sign she obviously didn't care what happened to her car.

Fortunately there wasn't a mark, but I will never get some people...

what language do you program in?