lol I just realized this is a no crank situation. There are so many of these threads right now, 4 by the same guy, I got confused.

Somebody merged all those others and now it looks like we are all just repeating ourselves.

When you say bounce around inside the car did it inch forward and then it started normally? I had a car that I always backed in places so that if the flywheel came to rest on the dead spot it had, I had to get it to rotate some by moving the car forward a few inches. Eventually I replaced flywheel but that was my work around for months.

That would make sense if the starter was at least spinning. He isn't even getting a click.

Jiggle the steering wheel off the column locks. If the wheel is on the locks it will not start.

I don't care. The right people know what's up. Links still work.

some of us just know what's down.

Back with another update. I’m planning on taking both the starter and battery to the store tomorrow to check if they’re good. Car is completely stock, no modifications.

I checked the fuses and none were popped. Swapped #14 for a horn fuse with the same voltage, and it started! Turned it off, and then it didn’t want to start again. Swapped the fuse again (other horn fuse), it starts! Turn the car off, it doesn’t start AGAIN. Swapped the fuse for a third time with another good fuse (AC)…it starts. I drive it around after draining the transmission fluid a bit, that fixed the sluggishness. I park the car, turn it off…it doesn’t turn on AGAIN. I can hear a clicking around the location of the fuse box under the dash so I’m thinking that at least works. Swapped the relay with the dimmer relay and nothing. Tested the original starter relay (only the two vertical pegs, as I don’t have the tools to change them and test the horizontal ones for continuity) using Ohms, and the reading dropped to 0 or some lower numbers, fluctuating.

Lastly I tested the starter wire like explained earlier using the chassis as a ground. Absolutely no reading when turning over the car. I did that before swapping all the fuses around, before I got the car running. Every time it didn’t want to turn back on I tested it and found no reading.

Clutch switch, starter wiring harness, or relay? Take a guess lol or maybe something worse?

Here’s a photo of the starter #14 fuse before swapping it for the horn fuse for the first time.

You should ohm out the fuses that you swapped out after it didn't start. Since you didn't do that I'm guessing you're blowing fuses and you have a short somewhere.

Starter and battery will both be fine. You have a multimeter. Use it to check the fuses you've been swapping but it would be obvious from just looking at them. Something doesn't add up.

If they’re slightly pink does that mean they’re burnt? They aren’t broken. Also, will a missing/bad turn signal cause a short? Or would it be more likely that it’s along the starter harness?

Dunno for sure. Use the continuity or resistance mode on the multimeter, or use the horn socket as your fuse tester. I don't know what you mean by missing/bad. Which is it?

Turn signal bulb went out and I haven’t replaced it.

That's nothing. Test the fuses to be sure of those before moving on to investigate other causes.