My Dad is going to destroy my clutch. Please help!
 

This past Sunday my father decided to take my '14 Scion FRS to church while I was at work. I didn't know he was planning on taking my car that day but I did mention to him earlier in the week that if he needed to then he can feel free to take any of my cars if he wants to run errands. He's an older man now kind of set in his ways and owns a truck that is also a manual.

While at work I received a call that he didn't know how to engage it into reverse gear and that I needed to call him/text him. He's a rather busy individual so I never got the chance to show him how to lift up on the reverse gear lockout. He eventually figured it out and when I got the chance to call him back he said he made it back home okay.

When I got home I double checked the car to make sure he didn't park next to a minivan and someone decided to sling open the door into the car. Thankfully the car was still as beautiful as I remembered her. But then I thought to check the dashcam to see how bad of an ordeal he must have had trying to force the gear selector into reverse. It wasn't so bad so I continued watching some more footage.

While watching I started to cringe as I heard him riding the clutch at stop lights/stop signs. Getting on the accelerator way earlier before fully letting out the clutch and just hearing it slip as the car's speed caught up with the engine's. Balancing the clutch and accelerator at a slight incline with the engine RPM's sitting at about 2K and watching as the car moved forward and backward as he constantly adjusted his clutch position. I wanted to cry for the clutch on my first brand new car.

What I wanted to do was get him to ride shotgun so that I can explain to him that the things that he is doing wrong and show him the correct ways of driving her. Such as leaving it in neutral at a stop and then shifting into gear as you anticipate the green light and only accelerating while shifting AFTER you have fully released the clutch pedal. But him being the old man that he is will probably just get extremely offended and throw my car keys back at me. I can imagine him saying things like "I've driven cars longer than you've been alive! I know what I'm doing! Don't tell me how to drive a car!"

I haven't always had a great relationship with my father but lately we've been able to bond a little more than we've ever had. I don't want to make him feel like I'm just being selfish with my cars and don't want him to drive them. I own a WRX and an FRS and consider myself a huge automotive enthusiast and although he doesn't share the same passion as I do about cars he can understand it. He knows how much I wash and clean my cars and even helped me cover my cars when we had a Hail storm come by a couple weeks ago. He knows I love my cars and I know he would only respect my cars as much as I do. But I don't know how to break it to him that he's been driving manual transmissions wrong.

I've considered just sneaking the spare keys away from his key ring to avoid any sort of full frontal confrontation but that's a total **** move. Another idea was to also just mention to him that I'm doing things to it and it's unsafe to drive but I'm not sure how many excuses I can come up with and for how long. I'm also not sure of how I can tell him how I know about his driving style. I don't want him to think I was eaves dropping by viewing the dashcam footage (although I totally did.) I guess I could just let it go and when the clutch fucks up I can just replace it over and over again and just act like everything's okay.

Please help me guys.

TL;DR - Dad drives my car bad and I don't know how to tell him. Please help me save my relationship with my dad and most importantly help me save my FRS's clutch!

is the car in your name... or your fathers name????

It's my car with only my name on it.

Take him for more drives together. Talk about techniques YOU learned to improve your shifting. Don't ever talk about how HE shifts. Just talk about the techniques you use. Talk about your failings and lessons learned. He will either open up about his shifting or improve from what you talked about learning. Don't get into a fight or a bad trust situation over a clutch. It's just a car. Your relationship is more important.

Put a performance clutch on your Christmas/birthday list.

Haha, I'm a grown ass 30 year old man now and haven't received a Christmas present from anyone (Other than from myself) for ~15 or so years. I have considered getting a high performance clutch but don't want to sacrifice the daily drive-ability with a heavier clutch. (Sometimes I get stuck in traffic.)

Teach him. Guide him.

http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/u...08n1o1_500.gif

Move out?


Edited for new info


Kick him out!
Just joking.


Just let him drive and replace the clutch if you need too.

Should've bought an auto. :lol:





























jk

Why are you all assuming the old man can't drive and not that OP is overly picky?

First time driving someone's car I'd rather slip the clutch a bit instead of stalling in a precarious situation possibly causing an accident. And I'm pretty positive it wouldn't be pretty either, OP probably jerked the car around a bit when he first got in it too, this transmission is one of the least friendly units I've driven when it comes to smoothness (especially with the light low feedback clutch pedal and the drive by wire throttle).

Not to mention clutches are MEANT to be slipped, they are wear items and are designed to be replaced. Without seeing the video I won't start linking conflict resolution guides, I'd let it go and look forward to replacing the clutch in the car together as a project.
Edit: Unless of course it is a repeat thing, Dad doesn't improve and clearly needs help.

There are cars that get beat on mercilessly and have clutches live longer than 100k miles, like cars used for drivers ed or racing schools.

There's this weird stigma that an hour or two of smelling burning clutch is going to result in a black mark on the car's permanent record and $1,500 out of pocket when it's really just a day out of your weekend, some dirt under your fingernails, <$500 and some memories with a buddy or two.

Edit: for the record I've done everything OP listed at least once if not multiple times including dozens if not hundreds of stalls (I fucking stalled it pulling into my driveway last night in a moment of derp) and dozens of autox launches >5k rpm dumping the clutch, at 40k miles my car runs better than the day I got it.

My parents hate my car. It's too fast, too small, and too flashy.

:D

You could always....take the keys away?

You're 30 and still live with your dad? ......

Show a sign of maturity and have a conversation about it with him.

Or you know, continue to make weird ass posts to a bunch of dudes on the internet about how you're scared to talk to your father

This^

OP had my sympathy until I found out he is 30, has a FRS and a 16 WRX but appears to still live with his parents. He also gives quite a list of prior cars in another thread ("After RX7's, 300ZX's, Eclipse's and Honda Civics") that would make me think he should have known how his father drives long before now.

Just buy an Exedy stage 1 clutch and keep it ready. It's only $300-400 and comes with a lightened flywheel, so it'll be a nice upgrade.

Your dad is happy and gets to drive the car how he wants. You get a nice upgrade whenever your clutch wears out. It's a win-win.

So... you want to teach your dad how to drive a stick (again)?

He drives a stick shift in the manner that he feels is the right way. You let him borrow the car.

If you don't want him destroying your clutch, don't let him drive the car. Or have a hard conversation with him and tell him what he is doing wrong, since you are "a grown ass 30 year old man now."

Otherwise, just live with the fact that he doesn't drive stick the same way you do.

-alex

Too fast ? Lol


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Compared to many, yes it is. Not everybody in the world drives Evos and WRXs.

Or has an exhaust as loud as the TRD, or takes corners at 35-40 MPH :D

Or like some of us are sitting with your butt about 8 inches off the ground.

This is excellent advise. You're indirectly letting your Dad know how to improve his driving techniques, so this avoids putting him on the defensive or being insulted.

Then for anything you observed your Dad specifically doing wrong (from the dashcam), point that out via saying YOU used to drive like that, but that you learned it was better to do it this other way. Again, the only fingers anyone could perceive as being pointed here is at yourself, and your pops might even nod and acknowledge that he knows what you mean.

Bottom line though, and as DAEMANO said...It's a clutch, he's your Dad. Clutches/cars are replaceable.

Good luck!

I was running backroads along Stanwood on sunday with a mate in his '15 sti and he couldn't keep up unless it was very gradual turns or on the straights... he knows how to drive about the same skill level as I

- OFH + V2.067 modified 91oct map

- a shitload of suspension mods

- Goodyear shit tires

is this car too slow? ;)

I really need to compile all my "accomplishments" in some sort of douchey "stock power 86 takedowns" montage video, the joy of beginner group HPDE's and open AutoX events...

Edit: I bet CSG has hours of footage passing >$100k cars on track...

damn... if i still lived at home with my parents and didnt have all these fucking bills that come with being an adult, i could own this car, still have kept my old e92 AND finally buy the nsx i've always wanted!

shit, maybe i should move back. hahahah

maybe its time to buy your old man a toyota avalon

I don't get why you don't just tell him he sucks at driving in your car. not sure what kind of relationship you have with your dad but I'm assuming since he is still letting you live with him, you are still close to each other. i'm pretty sure i'd call my dad an asshat and joke with him about his sub-par skills. why beat around the bush?

I was kidding haha but yeah this car can be fast no disagreement there.


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Damn, you guys are harsh! Do keep in mind that people have different living circumstances and try not to jump to conclusions about those. I own my own house and my mother passed away a few years ago. My father was living on his own with my little brother but then recently had a stroke so my wife and I invited him to come live with us. We finished paying for our mortgage last year and we currently don't have any children so far and it's nice to have a two income household.

My father's really old school and we never really got along. But in his old age he is growing more patient but still very set in his ways. I was planning on the "Guys night out" while passively showing him how to drive my cars but was just curious if anyone else had a similar issue and if there were a better way to handle it.

well then...in that case, youre doing the right thing! :thumbsup:

Ok fair enough.
I would think then that at 30 with a paid off mortgage, a two income household and already owning two cars the price of a new clutch would be nothing compared to the risk of destroying your improving relationship by telling him his driving sucks.
If he had a stroke he is probably driving to the best of his abilities (if indeed he is even as bad as you say with his skills) and possibly shouldn't be driving at all.

I wouldn't say anything during the drive, just drive and chit chat normally, if he's as proud as you say even mentioning 'oh man it took me awhile to figure out this car's transmission' might tick him off before you order the first beer.

I'm still firmly of the opinion that he was just figuring out your car, not many people can quickly adapt to driving a car that's different to them not even accounting for a MT. Toss a stroke into the mix? Clutches are cheaper than damaged relationships.

Surprisingly my father held up very well to his stroke. No slurred speech and just a little bit of motor loss in his right shoulder. His memory is also intact. But since he was kind of on his own we didn't really want anything to happen to him without anyone else there to help watch him.

But as far as the cost of a clutch is concerned, it's always nice to not have to needlessly pay for something that shouldn't happen anyway. I just don't have the guts to call him out on it. Since he's retired he just usually walks around outside of the house looking for something to do. I'll come home at times from work to find a ladder propped up against the house with him at the top trying to hose the leaves that have cluttered up the gutters. It's very frightening at times. To keep him busy I've purchased some tools to throw in the garage such as a saw and some wood so he can build stuff. He's actually getting really good at it and YouTube has become his best friend. Besides, I know it's heresy here but, I like keeping my cars as stock as possible. (Hoping they become rarer in the future? IDK?)

Don't be so hard on your dad. He had to teach you how to use a toilet; telling you that ain't fun, so maybe a bit of tolerance is in order?;)

I also gotta throw in the "And if you ever have to fill her up please PLEASE try to find some 93." He's driven mostly econo boxes his entire life and not really ever pushed the button for 'Premium'.

Absolutely. If I wasn't trying to be sensitive about it I probably wouldn't be here asking you kind folks about this situation. Otherwise I would have just taken the keys back and said "Stay away from my cars. I saw how you drove it!"

Get him a dog. Great companions and he'll get exercise (taking the dog on walks)...And it sounds like you make decent money, buy the old man a hooker every so often huh? Sheesh. :)

HAHA! He's a church going man and as much as I'd love to get him a hooker every once in a while I'm not sure he'd go through with it. Men have their needs but he's an old angry asian dad that also believes the more you ejaculate the faster you die. Something about your sperm being the life blood. He also hates animals.

http://cdn.pophangover.com/wp-conten...6/problems.jpg

Just curious, are you Asian OP? Traditionally, they are afraid of confronting parental figures. Otherwise, you have made a significantly amazing troll thread.

In before I'm racist, I'm half Asian.

Haha, yep. Asian as hell. Probably should have mentioned this right off the bat. There is definitely a huge social generational difference and confronting parents about these types of things are a big deal to them. I consider myself a very frank person and am usually not shy from telling people how I feel but when it comes to the 'Rents you gotta walk them egg shells. LOL!