Joke Thread

[VenomRush]

Theres this guy, we'll call him bob, and he has a horse that he cant make laugh. No matter what he does the horse just has a serious look on his face all the time. In Bob's home town theres a carnival that comes around every year. He decides he'll set up a tent to see who can make him laugh. To make sure people take this serious he puts up $500 to the person that makes his horse laugh. So the carnival is here and Bob has his tent set up and people see the sign of the $500 prize and start flocking in to try to make the horse laugh. Many people try and cant make the damn horse laugh! So Bob loses all hope and starts to close his tent, and as he is about to close the tent in walks in this man. Says to Bob in a cocky way " hey i can make your horse laugh. Just let me take him for a walk around that bush down there." Bob aggrees. The man takes the horse for a walk stops behind the bush for about 10 seconds and starts walking back towards the tent and to Bobs surprise the horse is laughing its ass off! the loudest screams of laughter just start comming out of the horse!! Bob is impressed and gives the guy the $500.

As the year goes by, Bob gets tired of his horses laughing! Ever since that carnival the horse would not stop laughing!! the only time he would stop was when he would eat or drink something. So its about that time for that annual carnival in Bobs town. This time he is going to set up a tent to see who can make his horse STOP laughing with the same $500 prize. so its that time and people start comming in and cant make him stop laughing and Bob starts losing all hope again and starts to close his tent down. As he is about to close the tent here comes this guy and says "I can make your horse stop laughing! Just let me take him around that bush." Bob aggrees and the guy takes him around the bush and stops for about a minute. As the man and the horse start walking back, Bob sees the most pissed off face on his horse he had ever seen!! Real pissed! Breathing hard and everthing! If looks could kill type of face! Bob is shocked and gives the man the $500 prize. As the man walks away Bob says," hey wait weren't you that guy that made him laugh?" the guy replies "yup".. Bob "well how'd you make him laugh?!?!" and the guy says, " well i told him that my **** was bigger than his" Bob says "ooooh i see, well how'd you make him stop?".... the guy says "i showed him my ****"

[NESW20]

a man and his new wife are taking their horse-drawn cart to town. the horse stumbles on a rut and almost jerks the man and his wife out of the cart. the man stands up and says to the horse: "that's once!"

they continue on toward town. a mile or so later, the horse stumbles again and almost throws them out of the cart. the man takes his gun and shoots the horse.

his wife turns to him and says "WHY DID YOU JUST SHOOT THE HORSE??!!"

the man replies simply "that's once."

[S2KtoFT86]

We need to have these "Official" threads stickied!!

[scape]

three tampons are heading down the street, they are sized small to large as they hop along...what do they have in common?

they are all stuck up bitches

[Ricepuddin]

Q: What do Tiger Woods and baby Seals have in common
A: They both get clubbed by Norwegians

[VenomRush]

Originally Posted by Ricepuddin

Q: What do Tiger Woods and baby Seals have in common
A: They both get clubbed by Norwegians

HAHAHAH.....awwww

[huddleston]

lol, hilarious. keep these coming!

[VenomRush]

a guy walks into a bar... he says "ouch"

[NESW20]

the guy behind him ducks...

-Mike

[VenomRush]

theres this guy who wants to lose weight. he's tried every single diet there is out there and he has never had any success. he's at a bar with his friend and tells him if he knows of any diets. to his surprise his friend does know of one! his friend says " yea man, i know this one doctor who helped me lose 50 pounds in 2 months" so he asks for the doctors info and his friend gives it to him. He mentions one more thing.. "I gotta tell you though, its gonna seem like a weird idea, but it works!" So the next day he goes to see the doctor and asks how he can lose weight. The doc sits him down in his office and says, "ok heres the deal, this way of losing weight is a secret but its been around for ages.. all you have to do is eat through your ass." The guy is somewhat confused and walks right out of there.

as the week goes by he says the hell with it and gives the doctors secret a try.. the first month he loses 20 lbs. and the second month he loses 30 lbs. and he is shocked. "no way! i cant believe it worked!!" the guy is surprised and he rushes to the doctors office to thank him for helping him lose weight. " thank you doc, i've tried every diet there is and yours is the only one that worked!" the doc says "your welcome!" and the guy says " i just have one question, the first time i saw you, how come your butt cheeks were moving up and down?" the doc says "OH!! i was chewing some bubble gum"

[DanZilla]

what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?











Nothing. You already told her twice!

[samywhite20]

A fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish."
"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband", said the wife.
The fairy moved her magic wand and - abracadabra! - two tickets appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So... I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The wife was deeply disappointed but, a wish was a wish.
The fairy made a circle with her magic wand and - abracadabra!
Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.

Moral: Men might be donkeys.
But fairies are... female.

[Midship Runabout]

Bump

Boy asks, "Grandma have you seen my pills? Their marked LSD"
Grandma Replies "Fuck the pills. Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen!"


Boy tells dad, "There is a kid at school that keeps calling me a ***."
Dad says "Punch him in the face!"
Boy says "But hes so cute!"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one, how many would be left?" "None" replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well the answer is four," said the teacher "but i like the way your thinking." Little Johnny said "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, One licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone. Which one is married?" "Well" said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking her cone?" "No" Said little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but i like the way your thinking."

...Dont even get me started on dead baby jokes.

[VenomRush]

why dont cannibals eat clowns??



because they taste funny