My Dad is going to destroy my clutch. Please help!

[steeloyangster]

Damn, you guys are harsh! Do keep in mind that people have different living circumstances and try not to jump to conclusions about those. I own my own house and my mother passed away a few years ago. My father was living on his own with my little brother but then recently had a stroke so my wife and I invited him to come live with us. We finished paying for our mortgage last year and we currently don't have any children so far and it's nice to have a two income household.

My father's really old school and we never really got along. But in his old age he is growing more patient but still very set in his ways. I was planning on the "Guys night out" while passively showing him how to drive my cars but was just curious if anyone else had a similar issue and if there were a better way to handle it.

[8R6]

Originally Posted by steeloyangster

Damn, you guys are harsh! Do keep in mind that people have different living circumstances and try not to jump to conclusions about those. I own my own house and my mother passed away a few years ago. My father was living on his own with my little brother but then recently had a stroke so my wife and I invited him to come live with us. We finished paying for our mortgage last year and we currently don't have any children so far and it's nice to have a two income household.

My father's really old school and we never really got along. But in his old age he is growing more patient but still very set in his ways. I was planning on the "Guys night out" while passively showing him how to drive my cars but was just curious if anyone else had a similar issue and if there were a better way to handle it.

well then...in that case, youre doing the right thing!

[Tcoat]

Originally Posted by steeloyangster

Damn, you guys are harsh! Do keep in mind that people have different living circumstances and try not to jump to conclusions about those. I own my own house and my mother passed away a few years ago. My father was living on his own with my little brother but then recently had a stroke so my wife and I invited him to come live with us. We finished paying for our mortgage last year and we currently don't have any children so far and it's nice to have a two income household.

My father's really old school and we never really got along. But in his old age he is growing more patient but still very set in his ways. I was planning on the "Guys night out" while passively showing him how to drive my cars but was just curious if anyone else had a similar issue and if there were a better way to handle it.

Ok fair enough.
I would think then that at 30 with a paid off mortgage, a two income household and already owning two cars the price of a new clutch would be nothing compared to the risk of destroying your improving relationship by telling him his driving sucks.
If he had a stroke he is probably driving to the best of his abilities (if indeed he is even as bad as you say with his skills) and possibly shouldn't be driving at all.

[strat61caster]

Originally Posted by steeloyangster

I was planning on the "Guys night out" while passively showing him how to drive my cars but was just curious if anyone else had a similar issue and if there were a better way to handle it.

I wouldn't say anything during the drive, just drive and chit chat normally, if he's as proud as you say even mentioning 'oh man it took me awhile to figure out this car's transmission' might tick him off before you order the first beer.

I'm still firmly of the opinion that he was just figuring out your car, not many people can quickly adapt to driving a car that's different to them not even accounting for a MT. Toss a stroke into the mix? Clutches are cheaper than damaged relationships.

[steeloyangster]

Originally Posted by Tcoat

Ok fair enough.
I would think then that at 30 with a paid off mortgage, a two income household and already owning two cars the price of a new clutch would be nothing compared to the risk of destroying your improving relationship by telling him his driving sucks.
If he had a stroke he is probably driving to the best of his abilities (if indeed he is even as bad as you say with his skills) and possibly shouldn't be driving at all.

Surprisingly my father held up very well to his stroke. No slurred speech and just a little bit of motor loss in his right shoulder. His memory is also intact. But since he was kind of on his own we didn't really want anything to happen to him without anyone else there to help watch him.

But as far as the cost of a clutch is concerned, it's always nice to not have to needlessly pay for something that shouldn't happen anyway. I just don't have the guts to call him out on it. Since he's retired he just usually walks around outside of the house looking for something to do. I'll come home at times from work to find a ladder propped up against the house with him at the top trying to hose the leaves that have cluttered up the gutters. It's very frightening at times. To keep him busy I've purchased some tools to throw in the garage such as a saw and some wood so he can build stuff. He's actually getting really good at it and YouTube has become his best friend. Besides, I know it's heresy here but, I like keeping my cars as stock as possible. (Hoping they become rarer in the future? IDK?)

[NOHOME]

Originally Posted by steeloyangster

This past Sunday my father decided to take my '14 Scion FRS to church while I was at work. I didn't know he was planning on taking my car that day but I did mention to him earlier in the week that if he needed to then he can feel free to take any of my cars if he wants to run errands. He's an older man now kind of set in his ways and owns a truck that is also a manual.

While at work I received a call that he didn't know how to engage it into reverse gear and that I needed to call him/text him. He's a rather busy individual so I never got the chance to show him how to lift up on the reverse gear lockout. He eventually figured it out and when I got the chance to call him back he said he made it back home okay.

When I got home I double checked the car to make sure he didn't park next to a minivan and someone decided to sling open the door into the car. Thankfully the car was still as beautiful as I remembered her. But then I thought to check the dashcam to see how bad of an ordeal he must have had trying to force the gear selector into reverse. It wasn't so bad so I continued watching some more footage.

While watching I started to cringe as I heard him riding the clutch at stop lights/stop signs. Getting on the accelerator way earlier before fully letting out the clutch and just hearing it slip as the car's speed caught up with the engine's. Balancing the clutch and accelerator at a slight incline with the engine RPM's sitting at about 2K and watching as the car moved forward and backward as he constantly adjusted his clutch position. I wanted to cry for the clutch on my first brand new car.

What I wanted to do was get him to ride shotgun so that I can explain to him that the things that he is doing wrong and show him the correct ways of driving her. Such as leaving it in neutral at a stop and then shifting into gear as you anticipate the green light and only accelerating while shifting AFTER you have fully released the clutch pedal. But him being the old man that he is will probably just get extremely offended and throw my car keys back at me. I can imagine him saying things like "I've driven cars longer than you've been alive! I know what I'm doing! Don't tell me how to drive a car!"

I haven't always had a great relationship with my father but lately we've been able to bond a little more than we've ever had. I don't want to make him feel like I'm just being selfish with my cars and don't want him to drive them. I own a WRX and an FRS and consider myself a huge automotive enthusiast and although he doesn't share the same passion as I do about cars he can understand it. He knows how much I wash and clean my cars and even helped me cover my cars when we had a Hail storm come by a couple weeks ago. He knows I love my cars and I know he would only respect my cars as much as I do. But I don't know how to break it to him that he's been driving manual transmissions wrong.

I've considered just sneaking the spare keys away from his key ring to avoid any sort of full frontal confrontation but that's a total **** move. Another idea was to also just mention to him that I'm doing things to it and it's unsafe to drive but I'm not sure how many excuses I can come up with and for how long. I'm also not sure of how I can tell him how I know about his driving style. I don't want him to think I was eaves dropping by viewing the dashcam footage (although I totally did.) I guess I could just let it go and when the clutch fucks up I can just replace it over and over again and just act like everything's okay.

Please help me guys.

TL;DR - Dad drives my car bad and I don't know how to tell him. Please help me save my relationship with my dad and most importantly help me save my FRS's clutch!

Don't be so hard on your dad. He had to teach you how to use a toilet; telling you that ain't fun, so maybe a bit of tolerance is in order?

[steeloyangster]

Originally Posted by strat61caster

I wouldn't say anything during the drive, just drive and chit chat normally, if he's as proud as you say even mentioning 'oh man it took me awhile to figure out this car's transmission' might tick him off before you order the first beer.

I'm still firmly of the opinion that he was just figuring out your car, not many people can quickly adapt to driving a car that's different to them not even accounting for a MT. Toss a stroke into the mix? Clutches are cheaper than damaged relationships.

I also gotta throw in the "And if you ever have to fill her up please PLEASE try to find some 93." He's driven mostly econo boxes his entire life and not really ever pushed the button for 'Premium'.

[steeloyangster]

Originally Posted by NOHOME

Don't be so hard on your dad. He had to teach you how to use a toilet; telling you that ain't fun, so maybe a bit of tolerance is in order?

Absolutely. If I wasn't trying to be sensitive about it I probably wouldn't be here asking you kind folks about this situation. Otherwise I would have just taken the keys back and said "Stay away from my cars. I saw how you drove it!"

[Namuna]

Originally Posted by steeloyangster

...Since he's retired he just usually walks around outside of the house looking for something to do. I'll come home at times from work to find a ladder propped up against the house with him at the top trying to hose the leaves that have cluttered up the gutters. It's very frightening at times. To keep him busy I've purchased some tools to throw in the garage such as a saw and some wood so he can build stuff. He's actually getting really good at it and YouTube has become his best friend...

Get him a dog. Great companions and he'll get exercise (taking the dog on walks)...And it sounds like you make decent money, buy the old man a hooker every so often huh? Sheesh.

[steeloyangster]

Originally Posted by Namuna

Get him a dog. Great companions and he'll get exercise (taking the dog on walks)...And it sounds like you make decent money, buy the old man a hooker every so often huh? Sheesh.

HAHA! He's a church going man and as much as I'd love to get him a hooker every once in a while I'm not sure he'd go through with it. Men have their needs but he's an old angry asian dad that also believes the more you ejaculate the faster you die. Something about your sperm being the life blood. He also hates animals.

[Turbo95eg6]

Just curious, are you Asian OP? Traditionally, they are afraid of confronting parental figures. Otherwise, you have made a significantly amazing troll thread.

In before I'm racist, I'm half Asian.

[steeloyangster]

Originally Posted by Turbo95eg6

Just curious, are you Asian OP? Traditionally, they are afraid of confronting parental figures. Otherwise, you have made a significantly amazing troll thread.

In before I'm racist, I'm half Asian.

Haha, yep. Asian as hell. Probably should have mentioned this right off the bat. There is definitely a huge social generational difference and confronting parents about these types of things are a big deal to them. I consider myself a very frank person and am usually not shy from telling people how I feel but when it comes to the 'Rents you gotta walk them egg shells. LOL!

[Brndn704]

In all seriousness though, if he's only driving it once a blue moon I don't see no need in saying anything. These clutches are pretty strong, a few times of slipping or grinding isn't going to destroy it by any means.

[Teseo]

After readin this thread i called my dad for make a day "dad and son". Will consist in drinking some beers watch a baseball game and why not drive my frs. I miss him