Giving unsolicited advice. Yes? No?

[Cheeseballs]

Here's the scenario.

Guy well over the age of 30 living at home, never having moved out from his parents house. He has no college degree and no desire for higher education.

He received a sizable inheritance when he was 21 or so. Probably no more than half a million dollars. Certainly not enough to retire on. He has no job and no desire to get a job. People have referred jobs to him, but he claims how he's so busy that he doesn't have time for a job. Meanwhile, he attempts to day trade using a program he bought off an infomercial (lol) and has time to play video games instead of attending a good friend's police academy graduation.

He pays absolutely no bills at all, not even his cell phone. His mother cooks all his meals for him and washes and folds his laundry.

Has no girlfriend (duh) and genuinely wonders why he's having trouble finding one. He's also the type of guy that will cheap out when the check comes, yet make fun of you for leaving a generous tip to a waitress.

I know this sounds like bull**** but I really do know a guy like this. I've known him since I was a kid, and I am somewhat friends with him, but I mainly know him because his aunt and uncle were basically second parents to me growing up.

It's clear that his parents are clueless and enabling him. The rest of his family just let him exist in his pathetic state. His mother has said on multiple occasions that her son is allowed to live at home as long as he wants.

Do you think there should be any outside intervention? I don't usually give unsolicited advice, but then again, I've never met a bigger loser than this guy.

[s2d4]

Sounds like an easy target for the amateur gold digger. Probably need to break him mentally to get him out of that comfort zone.

[enwave]

Nah man, don't try to intervene or trigger an intervention from someone else. As pathetic as it is, it is nobody else's business. It is very unlikely that anyone (besides himself) will be able to make a serious difference.

If you or someone else does try to intervene, try to make sure it is as positive as possible. The last thing someone like him needs is criticism and condescending "intervention."

People don't change unless they want to change, and even then they don't change successfully very often.

[n2oinferno]

You can give him an intervention, but he's going to have to want to change in order to do it, so it might just be a waste of time.

One of two things will happen:
1.) He'll eventually get off his ass and straighten up.
2.) He'll lose it all and have nothing to fall back on because of his laziness.

I'm betting more likely it'll be the latter.

[AznBRZer]

Is he a friend, casual or otherwise? Or just someone that you tolerate? By 30, you should know who your friends are and just because you have a relationship with his aunt and uncle doesn't mean you need to have relationship with him.

Cheaping out at restaurants is a pet peeve of mine. I'd straighten him out on that or stop going out to eat with the guy all together. Pro-tip: be prepared to re-enact a scene from Reservoir Dogs.

[bkblitzed]

if you already tried talking to him, then there's no point if he hasn't changed. If he's that stubborn, he will realize one day that his life sucks and he fucked up. It'll probably be too late, but oh well.

[Symmetrical]

One thing I've learned in life with dealing with people, is never care more than they care about you. It's a waste of time and energy on your behalf. Not unless it is important family members or friends that do more for you than you can ever re-pay. But since you think of him as a 30 year old loser, chances are he's not that important to you and pretty damn sure you're not important to him. So my advice, leave him be.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by AznBRZer

Cheaping out at restaurants is a pet peeve of mine.

Yeah, servers make their money from tips. Nobody is excused from being a di©k, deadbeat or not. Otherwise... what's the problem here? If he's fine with it and his mom is fine with it then... ?

Sounds like he's missed a lot of opportunities for personal growth, socially as well as developing any sort of work ethic or tolerance to doing work. I know if I sit around a lot (vacations, injuries) and then get up to do a small task, it seems like more work than it would otherwise. If he hasn't done hardly anything in 30 years, then he's probably already developed a fully matured case of Lead in the Ass. Doing work will legitimately be experienced as more work to him than it would to any of his coworkers who don't have LitA - making him a pain in the ass to work with.

Like you said, a few hundred grand is not going to last very long without profiting from it, which he isn't. So it sounds like he's loading a bunch of shit into a giant slingshot pointing straight at the fan. And the fan is on "high". When all that shit hits that high powered fan a long time from now, it's going to be ugly.

Originally Posted by enwave

As pathetic as it is, it is nobody else's business.

Originally Posted by n2oinferno

One of two things will happen:
1.) He'll eventually get off his ass and straighten up.
2.) He'll lose it all and have nothing to fall back on because of his laziness.

[7thgear]

i say you rob him

[7thgear]

Originally Posted by enwave

As pathetic as it is, it is nobody else's business. .

wrong mentality

we live as a society

his existence has an effect on those around him.

improper use of household funds is the #1 reason for all the shit in the world

he's a lazy ass fuck who's fueling all the wrong industries with his indescriminate use of funds he did fuck all to deserve. He is a parasite of the worst kind and his life should most definitely be our business.

on the other hand, i'm perfectly fine with the NIMBY mentality either... but i mean since we're asking for opinions...

[Rayme]

As long as he's happy and spending his OWN money, and her mother is OK. What's the problem that he isn't to everybody else's standard? I know alot of people who are poor and working that could be argued "worst people" than that guy. Getting a "job" and a girlfriend/family is the "golden standard" but it's not for everyone.

Just be a good friend, if he wants to change he'll reach for help.

[HunterGreene]

Unsolicited advice is never good unless there is a life on the line, which there apparently doesn't appear to be...yet. However, you said your friend has "wondered" why he can't get a girlfriend. Well, that might be the only real inroad you have to give him advice, basically that he has no ambition and still lives with his parents. No ambition gets you absolutely no interest from the opposite sex.

That said, your friend sounds like a classic case of being afraid of change. He's secure in where he is right now, mostly because of the money and his parents. Even without the money, I would be willing to bet he would still be living with them, working a crap job somewhere.

But, as a couple of the other folks have said, he has to want change in order for any of your advice to be truly heard. Good luck to you, and I hope he turns it around soon.

[Cheeseballs]

Thank you all for your opinions. He's a casual friend who I see through mutual friends and it doesn't bother me that he's doing absolutely nothing with his life.

If anything, I have pity toward him because the people (his family) that should be encouraging him to grow as a person and assume a shred of responsibility in his life are essentially doing the opposite, thus in a roundabout way, handcuffing him to a sad existence.

I've only ever offered him my two cents about his life. I said that perhaps a job would give him a sense of structure and accomplishment. Of course that went in one ear and out the other the moment I said it so I didn't even bother continuing.

It's just sad what some people do when they get a good roll of the dice out of life. Oh well

I will however, be telling him to stop being such a cheap bastard toward waiters/waitresses.

[Anthony]

If he ever specifically asked me for help with the ladies, I'd unload all of the things said in this thread on him, but outside of that ever happening, the cheap bastardness seems like the only immediate problem for anyone.