Relationship advise?

[sklimo]

Did you bang mom yet?

[swpbrz]

Originally Posted by AVodka14

I have been rejected in the past even after hooking up with some of them. I was deeply convinced that I had to have a girlfriend when I was in my early 20s. I was not getting laid as much because girls could smell that shit on me. As I got to my mid 20s I was getting ready to start grad school and got my swag. Started going out with my friends to bars on the weekends and bring chicks back home. They noticed I didn't care about having a girlfriend because I was going to be knees deep in studying. Then all of sudden here they come. This is not to brag to you and make you feel worse. I am simply stating that you should not give a fuck about women at your presumably young age. Focus on your future career, enjoy your friends/family, and find a chick to fuck.

Being nice is not a bad trait at all. Just don't be overly nice. Respect the female counterpart yet don't let them walk on you. That's in essence what she has been doing to you. Don't let her flock back after another failed relationship. You can be more assertive and say something along the lines of 'maybe you should search within yourself' after another failed relationship. 'Seems to be a pattern' OR 'I have given you all the advice I can provide'. Be friends and cordial with her but nothing more. Don't let her sense that you are hurt but have her think you are thriving and moving on.

Dude, I am 30 years old and been through the roller coaster ride of my 20s. I tried so many different things that would work sometimes and sometimes would not. Then I finally realized that being myself would land some girls but didn't expect to win them all. Dated a girl for 2 years in grad school then we broke up. I met my fiancee on a blind date when I was 28. Guess what?...I was not looking for love.

There is so much in this world to experience. Being single allows you to do anything you can afford. Nobody is telling you 'no' and there is simply nobody to answer to. You are still developing a sense of who you are. So enjoy the ride of life. This girl seems like she makes poor choices and it's a compliment that she has not chose you. Otherwise you just like her deadbeat bfs.

Sincerely,

I guy that had his heart stomped on a few times. Recovered from each one and became stronger from each experience. Learning is the key to life. Don't make the same mistakes twice.

I liked reading that I'm trying to wrap my head around this in a way that doesn't leave me hating women. That is nice to hear your take.

[swpbrz]

Originally Posted by Dimman

I wouldn't say that it's the 'douchebags' they find attractive. It's also that they recognize that 'niceness' is often a cover for sexual insecurity/inexperience.

It's at least a 50:50 split for the responsibility. She's going to be at least as equally unattracted to the insecure guy.

If one guy is obnoxious, but can fuck. And one guy is nice but can't fuck, who's she going to hang out with and who's she going to fuck? It's simple really. There isn't even a choice to make.

The problem is the 'nice' guys expect sex for being nice (as Morpheus has aptly pointed out) and blame the women rather than looking at themselves.

Hopefully she fucks the guy she's in love with after weeks or months of getting to know whos actually underneath

[Dimman]

Originally Posted by swpbrz

Hopefully she fucks the guy she's in love with after weeks or months of getting to know whos actually underneath

Weeks or months won't matter if she's not into you. If over those weeks or months she doesn't become frequently sexually excited by you, it's never going to happen.

Guys can hold out and fantasize that after years of banging 'douchebags' that she will become emotionally shattered, 'learn her lesson' and come back crawling to the 'nice guy' and live happily ever after.

But it doesn't work that way. It's not even healthy to think that way. But I've met a ton of guys who do.

One person's stoic devotion is a step away from another's awkward obsession.

To say that it's the girl's fault for emotionally dumping on the guy is also not looking at his fault of doing the exact same thing by being the other half of these friendzone relationships. Guys in that position seem to think that by participating in these emotional bits that it is a secret back door to a proper relationship. It's not.

Other guys seem to actively pursue these 'friendzone' relationships for the purpose of having any relationship at all, instead of taking the risks involved in pursuing a real one.

You can't lose if you don't play.

But you can't win either.

And nobody bats 1.000...

[Rocket.BRZ]

Originally Posted by Dimman

Weeks or months won't matter if she's not into you. If over those weeks or months she doesn't become frequently sexually excited by you, it's never going to happen.

Guys can hold out and fantasize that after years of banging 'douchebags' that she will become emotionally shattered, 'learn her lesson' and come back crawling to the 'nice guy' and live happily ever after.

But it doesn't work that way. It's not even healthy to think that way. But I've met a ton of guys who do.

One person's stoic devotion is a step away from another's awkward obsession.

To say that it's the girl's fault for emotionally dumping on the guy is also not looking at his fault of doing the exact same thing by being the other half of these friendzone relationships. Guys in that position seem to think that by participating in these emotional bits that it is a secret back door to a proper relationship. It's not.

Other guys seem to actively pursue these 'friendzone' relationships for the purpose of having any relationship at all, instead of taking the risks involved in pursuing a real one.

You can't lose if you don't play.

But you can't win either.

And nobody bats 1.000...

That doesn't make much sense. Why would anybody want the douche bag if they are only good for one thing. You would think in the long run the nice guy is the right choice. (Look at the divorce rates) I thought that always being the nice guy was the secret back door. And yes I admit that dumping my emotions was not the best idea at the time but what's done is done. I've seen so many friends get knocked up and have the boyfriend leave in search for another. Guess who they want to talk to. Me.

[Atropine]

Originally Posted by Rocket.BRZ

That doesn't make much sense. Why would anybody want the douche bag if they are only good for one thing. You would think in the long run the nice guy is the right choice. (Look at the divorce rates) I thought that always being the nice guy was the secret back door. And yes I admit that dumping my emotions was not the best idea at the time but what's done is done. I've seen so many friends get knocked up and have the boyfriend leave in search for another. Guess who they want to talk to. Me.

We have all had parts in this movie that you are describing.

Sometimes, I am the good guy.

Sometimes, I am the guy who would be happier with the plain friend who happens to be a girl, but I keep going back to the stupidly hot lunatic.

Sometimes, I am the "Bad Boy" that the girl who is only attracted to.




Your story is not unique. The sooner you grow up and participate in your life the better.

I wish you luck man. You are only 18, and hopefully one day you look back on this and laugh. I still do.

[Thehermdawg]

Originally Posted by Rocket.BRZ

That doesn't make much sense. Why would anybody want the douche bag if they are only good for one thing. You would think in the long run the nice guy is the right choice. (Look at the divorce rates) I thought that always being the nice guy was the secret back door. And yes I admit that dumping my emotions was not the best idea at the time but what's done is done. I've seen so many friends get knocked up and have the boyfriend leave in search for another. Guess who they want to talk to. Me.

Trust me, the majority of people at this age are not looking at the long run when it comes to relationships. I'm sure as hell that way. I learned from my numerous faliures to not actively pursue a relationship. If I meet a girl that wants to date thats cool. But I'm not going to waste my time chasing a hopeless situation. You gotta live while your young or you'll regret it. Thats how you should approach this and not be so calculated about the whole thing.

[Dimman]

Originally Posted by Rocket.BRZ

That doesn't make much sense. Why would anybody want the douche bag if they are only good for one thing. You would think in the long run the nice guy is the right choice. (Look at the divorce rates) I thought that always being the nice guy was the secret back door. And yes I admit that dumping my emotions was not the best idea at the time but what's done is done. I've seen so many friends get knocked up and have the boyfriend leave in search for another. Guess who they want to talk to. Me.

They don't want douchebags. They want someone who is fun, exciting and can make them wet. If the guy also is kind, honest and stable, she wins.

Women want it both ways. And a lot will end up getting one from one guy and one from another.

She is emotionally 'cheating' on the exciting guy when she hangs out with the 'friendzone' guy.

And 'happily' married women in good relationships with nice guys cheat on them all the time. (The divorce rate you mentioned...)

So what you need is to meet a woman that gets fulfillment of these two aspects from you. Either adjust yourself, meet a different more compatible woman, or a mix of both.

[AVodka14]

Originally Posted by swpbrz

I liked reading that I'm trying to wrap my head around this in a way that doesn't leave me hating women. That is nice to hear your take.

I don't want people to read that and think to hate women. I need to rewrite it in parts if that is the case. I simply meant to say that one needs to be himself, focus on himself, and let the chips fall as that may. I used to get frustrated at times and then would just divert my attention toward my studies/career. It all worked out. There should be no animosity toward women. Some just are screwed in the head. The process is more of an experience to learn to identify those kind of women and avoid at all costs. To save yourself the time and heartache. Let me know if that helped clear up my aforementioned post. Cheers!

[s2d4]

Originally Posted by swpbrz

You don't understand ops personality type. He needs to protect himself. Women don't realize they dump a lot of what should be intimate emotional stuff worked out in a real loving relationship.. on the sweet friend while they fuck the fun guy that doesn't really want to be bothered by that level of connection... theres too much fun to be had with the carefree guy.

Umm, went through that hormonal stage back in high school.
Anyway, the point was to not be a douche and expects reciprocation, then ignore her because you didn't get what you want. Sounds like a shitty way to treat a long term friend.

Be a friend and emotionally/romantically detached but give good analytical replies if she confides in you, rather than blowing your mind apart with bouts of internal emotional breakdowns. You don't do that with friends that has a wang so why do it to/with friends that has a hole instead.

Basically, much better to be mature and a good sport about it.
Or, ignore her and be all butt hurt, says more about ones character than anything else though.

[s2d4]

Originally Posted by Rocket.BRZ

I thought that always being the nice guy was the secret back door..

Are you over compensating for something?
Are you extra nice to her because you have feelings for her?
How old are you?

[Shagaliscious]

Originally Posted by Rocket.BRZ

Wait So being too nice is a bad thing or is it that I was only nice and never tried to flirt or show any sexual desire?

How are you going to get in "the secret back door" (anal?) if you've never even flirted with her? Even if she does end up looking for a nice guy, why would she go out with you since you have showed no interest? You need to learn, being nice isn't showing interest, it's just being nice.

[Rocket.BRZ]

Originally Posted by s2d4

Are you over compensating for something?
Are you extra nice to her because you have feelings for her?
How old are you?

I'm 18. And no I don't think I've been extra nice to her in any particular way but I do take extra time out of my life to listen to her and be around for her than I would with most people. But I do enjoy helping people to the best of my ability.

[Dimman]

Speaking of disastrous relationships, haven't heard from Ocean Girl in a while.

I guess that cop she was talking about must know how to handle his nightstick, or gun, or whatever other pen!s euphemism I can't come up with...


Heh...