VSC Sport and Trac Off don't work
 

I don't have a check engine light or any other warning lights, and I'm not sure what the issue is. Anyone have any ideas?

Is it that the VSC Sport and Trac Off, won't turn off, or won't turn on?
You'd need to give more information. Is it just not notifying you that it's off?
Or you feel no difference driving it after pushing the buttons?

I hit the buttons and lights don't appear on the gauge cluster as they should. I believe the traction control is set to on, I've tried drifting and it inhibits rear wheel spin still. Maybe the lights in the gauge are busted, I'll have to try it as though the lights just don't work and see what happens. Hold for 5 seconds.. you know.

Are you pushing the buttons at low speed or fully stopped?

You need to HOLD just the TRAC OFF button down for 3 full seconds. The two lights you should be getting are both yellow. They will be located just to the left of the Temperature and Fuel gauge. The top one should say "TRAC OFF" and the bottom one should have a symbol of a car on some squiggly lines and the word OFF underneath it. If you have one yellow and one green light, then you haven't done it properly, and you're only in VSC Sport mode, which I find to be rather pointless.

To engage that full-off mode, you don't have to be stopped, or moving slowly. You can do it at any speed. If you have both yellow lights on, and it's still stepping in, then something is wrong with the car.

EDIT: To clarify, after reading your post again. VSC Sport Mode WILL still exert a lot of control over the car. It is universally known to be pretty over-bearing. If you're really trying to hoon the car, you need to do what I stated above. VSC Sport Mode often doesn't allow you to do much of anything before stepping in, which is why they revised it to a Track Mode with slightly increased limits on the refreshed 2017 cars.

I'm not sure it's a good idea to help this individual drift his car.

Especially if they can't figure out how to turn off TC via buttons or pedal dance by themselves

Well when I bought this car I never had any vehicle with TSC, I had to google how to turn it off in order to rip my first donut.

Your car comes with instructions that explain, in great detail, how every single function in the car works. No Googling necessary!

OEM Manual - TL;DR


But, a 30 second google search showed me the way back in 2012... :burnrubber:

Thats my point. If you cant use Google or read the manual I dont have high hopes

it s not true what you're saying, to engage TRC full off mode you need to be at less than 49-50 km/h (30-31 mph) otherwise nothing happens
Track (VSC) mode yes, will do at any speed

No. What I said was correct. Perhaps I wasn't clear. When I said "that full-off mode" I was referring to the mode I had just described in my post, which is accessible by holding the TRAC OFF button down for 3 full seconds, to fully defeat both driver aids. That mode can be accessed at ANY speed.

So, to say it again more clearly: You can hold down the TRAC OFF button for 3 seconds at ANY speed to fully disable traction and stability control.

What you are referring to is just the normal "TRAC OFF" mode accessed by only briefly pressing the TRAC OFF button. This mode is only accessible up to ~30 MPH because it isn't designed to be used above 30 MPH. It is only meant to be used in slick conditions/when you want a bit of wheelspin off the line.